Being Honest

Proverbs 28:18 - Whoever walks in integrity will be delivered, but he who is crooked in his ways will suddenly fall.

I had someone tell me a flat-out lie this week. Who it was isn't important, I'm not vaguebooking or anything else, it wasn't a friend, it wasn't a family member so if you are reading this, it more than likely wasn't you (and if you ARE reading this, well, hmmmmm, I'm going to say the Lord led you to it, and now you know, I know). ANYWAY, I have been stuck on it, I have been so stuck on it that Francesca Battistelli's "If We're Honest" has ran through my mind like a Singer sewing machine most of the week. And even though this song isn't talking about the type of lying that this person did, I just decided since it was on my mind, I might as well use it.

I normally give you a song that reminds me of my devotional;  this week, I am going to base my devotional on this song. There are just so many facets to this though, because I think this song is based on bearing your soul to each other as well as bearing it to Jesus.

I have admitted before I don't like to tell people what is wrong in my life when it is actually wrong, I like to wait for the ending before I critique what the lesson really was--sometimes it takes a turn I didn't expect so it is just easier to wait it out. Not trying to  be deceptive, and I usually have a small group of friends that know what is going on when bad things are happening, they are my prayer warriors and maybe this is a bit about that too.


Anyway, here is my take-away from this song.

The first verse says:

Truth is harder than a lie
The dark seems safer than the light
And everyone has a heart that loves to hide
I'm a mess and so are you
We've built walls nobody can get through
Yeah, it may be hard, but the best thing we could ever do, ever do

So, quite simply, you know how you meet a friend on the street and exchange pleasantries? That is exactly what we expect, a pleasant answer: "Hi, how are you?" "fine, thanks, and you?" Do you ever get taken aback a little when someone starts in..."well, ... and the word fine was never mentioned and you are still standing there 10 minutes later and you are trying to figure out how to get it to stop? I am guilty of being in a hurry and really expecting an "I'm good" and go on down the road only to get a little irritated when that is not what comes out.  God gave me a HUGE attitude adjustment about this though. H.U.G.E.  

I learned a long time ago though that people sometimes need to talk and God may have put you in that position because you are the one who needs to listen. I learned this the hard way, and though I didn't do the wrong thing, I didn't do the right thing willing and I do regret that.  I had a client who had a baby. She had family nearby but they were not close. This client would come in to my office and a appointment that would normally take me 15 minutes would always take me at least 45 because she would talk just as hard as she could from the time she came in until the time she left.

She died, and so did her baby. Sadly, she had an aneurysm and died and there was nobody who even missed her so the baby died of starvation. The phrase "being Jesus to your fellow man" changed its meaning to me that day. She was basically all alone in the world and I was her sounding board. And as I said, I didn't shut her down or tell her to leave but I was thinking how behind I was getting because she was talking. So those words, the truth is harder than a lie? When someone says they are fine, that's the easy way out, and excepting it when you know the other person is not fine makes it the easy way out for you as well. . Everyone has a heart that loves to hide. When God has sent someone to you and they open up, say a little prayer to yourself that you will be just the minister He intended you to be. And, if someone asks you how you are and you feel that nudge that you are suppose to say more than, "I'm fine", then maybe there is a reason.  Something you are going through or have to say is going to help the one there or believe it or not, (don't gasp) they might be able to help you!  I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as coincidence, God is working all the time, and because you have free will, you have the power to say, "Not today, God, I'm too busy" or "If this is where you want me, this is where I'll be". I think we are all guilty of asking God to use us and then when He gives us the opportunity we are clueless. When someone is putting that wall down and you are the one that is there, don't give them a reason to add another layer or two because nobody cares. I had a friend once who said she never told anybody her problems because 2/3rds of the world just don't care and the other 1/3 thinks they are funny. How sad. Let's commit to not being either one of those.

That's where the chorus of this song comes in,

Bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy's waiting on the other side
If we're honest
If we're honest
Yep, how much easier is it to talk to someone that you know isn't perfect? And sometimes you don't want advice, you just want someone to listen. As I have told Andrew and as Robert has told me, "I don't want you to fix it, I just want you to listen". Sometimes hearing what you are worrying about out loud makes it a whole lot more manageable.

The next verse is me....it is what I battle with constantly:

Don't pretend to be something that you're not
Living life afraid of getting caught
There is freedom found when we lay
our secrets down at the cross, at the cross

 I do know the song is talking about putting on such a mask when things are wrong in your life that nobody has a clue. Don't get me wrong,  I am not promoting walking around like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Afterall, if you are a Christian, ideally, those weights should be on Jesus' shoulders, but we all know we are human and half the battle is fighting with him to take them back after you have handed them over. And that is exactly what it is talking about laying our secrets down at the cross. He is the one perfect listener. And unlike all of us humans, he is the one who can change things, sometimes it isn't even anything material, it is just our minds that need changed--He can do that!


Another thing happened this week and I am just heartsick. A family in Casey lost their 11-year-old son in an ATV accident. I didn't know the family but so many of my friends did, so of course, it has been on my mind. There is a movement going on to do a Random Act of Kindness today to help honor his memory. His friends and family are laying him to rest today. So, I felt this goes right along with my devotional. Share a Random Act of Kindness today, and maybe along the way, spend some time with someone that just doesn't have that many people to lean on.

Here is the song that led to the devotional:

Graduations, Girlfriends and Those Dreaded Life Changes

 I believe I have mentioned before that there are 4 girls from school that I have been best friends with well, forever. One since I was 4, one since I was 6 and two since I was 12. I don't believe we ever truly lost touch of each other during our "childrearing years" as my mom would say, but we were busy with our lives and have gotten a chance to be much closer in the last few years. It dawned on me this morning that out of the 5 of us, 4 of us have some pretty life-changing things going on--graduations. And, lo and behold, I am the one whose life is calm, which makes me laugh because at my house, life is still anything but calm.

 Dani and Valerie have their youngest, both boys, graduating from High School, and  heading on to college. Tina's only daughter graduated from Jr. College and is preparing to go on to Southern IL University, and Tammy, being the ever-present overachiever of the bunch had one graduate from college AND one graduating from High School. This effectively means this is the last year any of us have kids graduating from High School. And for all of them,  it means empty nesting is about 3 months away. Definitely changes in store. I am hoping this means it might be a little easier for us to get together but I think we all 5 know, just because our roles in their lives are changing, doesn't mean they won't still need us.

There are numerous facebook posts, blogposts and articles out there from mothers to their children concerning how proud they are of them as they take their next step.

I am addressing the following as an open letter to my four best friends.

I have to keep remembering back to our own senior year of high school and our own graduation. I think we spent most of our high school years being told we were a class of underachievers. Yet, I look at the 5 of us, we have 5 pretty amazing families, 8 pretty amazing kids between us and I think we have to say, we've done well.

Of course, in order to be true to my service to God, this has to be in the form of a devotional. Some words from the Word to carry with you as you start this next journey. By the way, I don't really know how on earth I ended up with the oldest child,  I am not unhappy about the fact that menopause didn't hit until after Robert was out of school. I have always been one of the more emotional ones of my group and Robert did enough eye-rolling at my tears then, I can't imagine what it would have been like to go through THAT roller coaster in the mix. Sorry girls......


So, the Bible tells us all sorts of things about raising our kids, and the world tries to tell us that once they get to college they just don't need us as much. I keep heading back to one particular chapter in the Bible though, this was brought to my attention on Mother's Day as our pastor used it for part of his sermon.

In John 19:26-27, the day of Christ's crucifixion, as  Christ hung on the cross, he looked to Peter and basically told him, "take care of my mom", and he told his mother, "treat him like your son". Jesus was 33 and I think it is clear, He was still close to His mother.

Our kids still need us, I think we are all finding out now as we approach 50 that we need our moms as much or more today than ever. We also know our time with them is precious and gets smaller everyday. Valerie has already lost her mom and I think about that so much as I take my mom to the doctor. It is the bright side of her having so many doctor's appointments, I get to spend time with her.

The next thing I want to point out to my friends is that we did well. We really do have amazing kids, I don't think there is a bad one in the bunch. They all have dreams and goals and I love hearing about what they are accomplishing. I hear the verse rattle around in my head to "train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it."(Proverbs 22:6). We did a really good job, you know? Sure there were battles, Robert and I had our fair share, a strong willed child and a strong willed mom are sure to butt heads. Thing is, I am so proud of him because when I was his age, I truly had no clue where I would land. He, as well as every one of the other 7 of our kids have plans, and dreams and they aren't sitting at home waiting for it to be handed to them, they are out making it happen! There may be a lot of entitled young people out there but I am extremely happy to say, there is not a one of them among our kids. We did well, and God was involved with every one of them. He did REALLY well!

So, as the High School graduations get ready to happen and the college ones already have, I am sending out a special congratulations to my best friends' kids, but even a bigger one to my best friends. I am proud of you, so very proud of all of you, proud to see the moms you are and even prouder to call you my best friends. Enjoy the tears of celebration and cherish the memories that are surfacing in spades and be ready for that next chapter. As grand as raising Robert was, having him come home each evening excited about his job, that he worked hard to get and dreamed about having forever, is just as spectacular. I relish the fact that I helped make that happen, from the day he was born, through praying him through school and college and praying for him at work everyday. It has been amazing.

Love you guys, looking forward to seeing you all soon.

This is also to all the amazing moms (and dads for that matter), no matter what you do for a living, I don't think anything changes the world in quite the same way as how you raise your next generation.  Congratulations!

I leave you with one of my favorite "mom songs" even though it is sung by a dad.

Here is Mark Harris' Find Your Wings

What If I Don't Like the Answer?

Have you ever sat at a ballgame  praying for your team to win? or for your child to make the perfect shot? or to block another player from making a perfect shot? or in my case, for your kid's band to all be in perfect step and hit the right notes at the right time?

Have you ever had a really bad day at work and ask God for just one thing to go right? or for this day to just hurry up and get over?

Yep, me too.

It's pick on Andrew day, I got a text from him this week, he has been working with a particularly stubborn shower door and every time he thinks it is fixed, it pops itself right back into its original shape.

He had texted me and I texted back, "Stop, pray, ask God to show you where the problem is and then listen when he tells you. I am praying".

He texted me back: "Did that, don't like the answer".

Been there, done that, TOO MANY TIMES!!!

I have read numerous articles this week on weather you should pray for your team to win, and I found one article that says it is more important for God to win. If you are praying for your child, what is best for him or her? Winning isn't always the best and it sometimes depends on what they are striving for. There will always be winners and losers, ( I would love to sugar coat this and say, winners and those who don't win, but my mom would yell at me). God's plans may involve us competing for things but just as there is a reason someone wins, there is a reason somebody else loses.

I was told a story once of an old man that God gave a seemingly perfect life. He always got the jobs he wanted, always got the things he wanted, married the girl he had adored since they were teens and grew to be an old man without any sickness or issues at all. The person who was relaying this story said, "God really blessed him". My thought was, "I wonder if God really had a lot of faith in him?" and while it is not my place to judge and I never even knew the guy, it really made me count my blessing for some of the things that God said no to and for the things that God has put me through because even though I wasn't sure I could handle it, He was.

Anyone who has ever had to be my boss, or my parent, will tell you, I HATE being told no. I would rather be told, "I doubt you can do that" than, "I will not allow you to do that".  And yet, God has to rope me in quite often, as does my boss, and as my mother has had to as well (and probably would still like to sometimes, though she does still give me very "strong" advise sometimes). My dad, well......yeah, he let me get by with things, and that just left him in trouble with my mom. The worst part is my dad would probably join in whatever crime I was wanting to commit. Most memorable was probably flying a kite, in the field behind our house, which was muddy and resulted in both of us having mud up to our knees. I will never forget it, neither will Mom. Not for the same reason though.

Back on task though, back to the most important thing being God winning. We have moments where we want to be in control, be in the limelight, and be the knight in shining armor, or fairy Godmother, whatever suits you best but the real deal is, everything we do is made possible though God's doings, not our own, so He should always be the one to receive the glory.

I think God puts us on the losing side sometimes to keep us humble, or maybe He just puts us on the losing side because the person that was on the winning side needed it worse, no matter how bad it hurts. The thing we have to remember, God will always do what is best for each one of us, He doesn't play favorites, and everything He does, He does with an end in mind.

None of us got where we are today by accident, it was His plan, with good times and bad times thrown in. There are still some bad things that has happened that I don't understand and I will always question but isn't it funny that we never say, "When I get to Heaven, the first thing I am going to ask God is why he let me have the job I wanted", or "why did He let this or that just fall into place" and Why did you bless me so much?" We always have a list of bad things that we just can't wait to ask Him, but why don't we ask why He let the good things happen? I think it is because we have it in our heads that good things are the normal and bad things are the things that just happen. Wow, we really do take a lot for granted, don't we????

This is one of those weeks that this is more a message to myself than even a devotional. I have had a tendency to want to complain about things this week and I don't know the root. My boss, bless her heart, thinks it is because I am having withdrawal from steroids, and she could be right but God knows I am in a complaining mood and I know, or I can feel that He doesn't like it much.

I have not wanted to take care of my house this week, I haven't felt 100% and so a couple nights I came home and just sat, knowing I was just letting more laundry, dishes, and housework pile up and I would dread doing it more. You know what He did?

I went home early Wednesday and watched a Hallmark movie.......about a lady and her two kids who had seemingly had it all, until her husband died and she wound up losing everything, even just about losing the kids. She was homeless. I sat and cried, this of course, struck a cord with work but it made me feel very ashamed of myself for not wanting to go wash dishes, especially since that really just entailed rinsing them off and putting them in the dishwasher. This lady no longer even had her own dishes to wash. (The movie was called Welcome Home, it was on Feelin, which is Hallmark's streaming channel--we have a Roku--the movie was AWESOME!!)

I have shared before that my mom would make me read Job when things were bad but she also put a limit on the pity parties; that day, I got over my pity party pretty quickly. God is Good, All the Time.

I don't want to leave you without some scripture to ponder.

Just one verse: Matthew 5:45

⁴⁵ That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

We all live in the same world, and sometimes we think things aren't fair, or don't like His answers, but He really is giving us what is best. As you go about your day today, instead of questioning why God lets the bad things in your life happen, how about questioning why He lets the good things happen? There are more blessing than you think!

The song I leave you with today may be a bit of a stretch but it is very much one of my favorites (I know......I'm sorry, but I do get a lot out of this song, and I do love it.) Just a reminder that there is a reason for the bad things too.

Here is Francesca Battistelli's "This is the Stuff".

The Proverbial Proverbs 31 Woman

Happy Mother's Day!

And here it is, yet another devotional based on Proverbs 31, actual verses 10-31.

10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
¹¹ The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
¹² She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
¹³ She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
¹⁵ She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
¹⁶ She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
¹⁷ She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
¹⁸ She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
¹⁹ She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
²⁰ She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
²¹ She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
²² She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
²³ Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
²⁵ Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
²⁶ She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
²⁷ She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
²⁹ Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
³⁰ Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

I have had times in the past 25 years of marriage that I hated these verses. I guess when you are younger, you think this is some laundry list of stuff you are supposed to be and you will never live up to it. And many times in my life, probably for the most of 48 Mother's Days, it has been presented that way.....This is what you are supposed to be doing.... and I have spent many years thinking, IMPOSSIBLE!!!  But as I have grown older and hopefully wiser, I am realizing this is just a list of what we do and I absolutely love the fact that even back in Old Testament times, it was made known that basically women could do it all.

I have friends who are stay-at-home moms. It is a very important job, and when things in your life are right so you can stay at home with your kids and you want to stay at home with your kids, then that is probably what God is wanting you to do too. I am going to back up and just say, please, at some point in your young life, get some working history out there. As much as the people you are caring for know you work hard, it doesn't count as often in the workforce and there may come a time you may want or need to go back to work. Even though as a stay-at-home mom, you do about everything imaginable that would be needed in the workforce, you need to have worked for somebody else. Personal experience here, my mom married right out of high school and they started their family. When she was 40 and my dad died, it was much harder to get a job because she had no "work experience", Laughable I know, but true.

I also have friends that are in the workforce, and have continued to be while having children. I have seen first hand, those friends be put down because of that, and I think this verse stands up for the fact that if that is what is best for your life, then that is what God wants you to be doing. Afterall, does the Proverbs 31 woman not buy land, and make linen to sell? It doesn't say that she looks at the land and then has her husband buy it, and it doesn't say she has her husband sell her linen. It says she does that.  and she delivers the girdles she has made to the merchants. That to me is being in the workplace.

I had the pleasure of getting to stay home and then getting to return to work. My original intention was to not quit work. When I found out I was pregnant, we were close enough that I had planned on finding day care and continue working. By the time I was half-way through my pregnancy, I felt the pull to stay home with our baby at least for a while. Andrew laughed at me because long before I ever dated him, he and I had quite an argument over that very thing. He made the statement one day while we were eating lunch in the employee lounge, that he knew there were some instances where both parents had to work, but if the husband's job afforded it, he thought the wife should stay home and take care of the house and the family. When we started dating, this was one of the first things we discussed. See, I had called him a male chauvinist pig that day, and yes, he was my boss and no, I didn't care. As mentioned above, my mom stayed home, spent tireless hours taking care of her house and her family and in the government and the workforce arena, it didn't matter. He told me that he had learned to understand that I would want to work even when we had kids, and he was fine with that. We ended up moving to Pennsylvania just 6 weeks before Robert was born. I was so glad the decision to stay home was already in place because I didn't know anyone well enough to want to leave my baby with them.

I loved being a stay-at-home mom up to the point until the guys would both come home with all of these stories of what happened in their lives that day and I would state how many loads of laundry I got done. Then, I was trying to teach Robert to help around the house, because more than likely, when he got married, his wife would need to work too and it really should take both of you to keep things going, to me, that is one of those really neat feelings about marriage. Working together to make life successful. That being said, it is a good day when I have the laundry started, the house straightened and my daily chores done before I leave for work, then come home, finish the laundry, get supper going, do a few evening chores and be able to sit and enjoy my family for a few hours when they all get home.  I just love being in the workforce too though. A few weeks ago one of my friends posted on facebook that if you are always hating Mondays so bad, maybe you should find a new job. Agreed.

There are so many other things in the proverb for us though. We seem to pick out the ones that says you should work, work, and work. but I am going to put The Message translation out here too.

Hymn to a Good Wife

^10-31 A good woman is hard to find,
    and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
    and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
    all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
    and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
    and brings back exotic surprises.
She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast
    for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
    then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
    rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
    is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
    diligent in homemaking.
She’s quick to assist anyone in need,
    reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;
    their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
    and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
    when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
    brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
    and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
    and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
    and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
    her husband joins in with words of praise:
“Many women have done wonderful things,
    but you’ve outclassed them all!”
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
    The woman to be admired and praised
    is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
    Festoon her life with praises!

 

Do you see it stand out a bit more that she knows she is a treasure too? She is not a wallflower people! She is one of those people who you know, if you want something done, she is the one to go to. I'm going to tell you, over the years, I hope people see me as that person as well. She also takes care of herself, which really gets overlooked.

 

It all boils down to verse 30: Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. or in The Message version: Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
    The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.

Bottom line: if you are looking to God for your guidance, all of these things will fall into place. You will become the woman He wants you to be and just exactly the woman your husband and family needs.

 

There are also plenty of women out there who God has called different directions from having kids or a husband, the thing is, God has a life for you, and as long as you are looking to Him for your direction, I am going to just remind you, He has a plan.

 

Happy Mother's Day!