I was posed with a question this week, several questions actually. Things that made me really think. I have been working with a life coach to become a better leader and supervisor at work. I personally believe it is helping as I saw changes in me when I spent the day in one of our outreach offices with some of our staff yesterday. It is not only changing me as a leader though, it is changing me as a person. Through this process, I am learning to peel the onion so to speak. I am learning that there are things I can delegate to other people, and there are things I need to pay more attention to than I have been. I honestly walk away from each session knowing I have learned more about myself than I thought I could.
This month, I was gently reminded that this very blog is one of the ways I let my light shine for Jesus. My coach asked me this week about my faith. I told her I was one of those babies that the first place I ever went in public was to church. I told about the trials we had growing up, from my dad dying to my mom being in the hospital and everything that happened after that and the one very huge constant was my church family. I can't imagine how people live without faith, I confessed Jesus as my Savior when I was 13 but I don't ever remember a time I didn't know I was His. And I really can't imagine how people live without the support I have had all my life from my church family. I will admit there have been times in my life I have taken my faith for granted and times when I am sure God is shaking His head in dismay at my decisions because I have made them knowingly against His will. There is a saying on a radio station that I listen to, something to the effect of, "If God is feeling far away, it wasn't Him who moved." Been there, done that, can probably share the heartache it brought. Anyway, I needed reminded that God gave me this gift, of writing, and of technology, and I am supposed to be using it. So, hopefully, here is to a more regular blog life.
Okay, Letting Your Light Shine, check.
So, the main question I was posed with, and the one that was my homework assignment for next month is, "What do you want to do that you haven't done?" I have to tell you, I sat there a little dumbfounded. I didn't have an immediate answer. I know some people would say immediately that they would want to travel, some would say they would go back to school, some would say build a new house. It was one of those moments when I realized, I've pretty well done everything I want to do, or am doing it. I have had "seeing Wicked on Broadway" as my big bucket list item forever, that was originally going to happen in December, but now we are looking at next August as I am scheduled to be in NY for a conference.
We talked about my marketing job with TEAM ITS. I have done things with it that I never thought I would. I never thought I would create billboards that thousands of people would see each day. I never thought I would be on the radio on a regular basis, discussing IT stuff. I never thought I would build websites for companies, or manage multiple facebook pages, but here I am, killing it, lol. Sorry, that phrase from shirts just popped in my head and I couldn't resist. The thing is, it is fun.
And I love what I am doing there.
Flip the coin to my ERBA job. I am exactly where I want to be there. Several years ago, long before our last Executive Director left, I pondered if that was something I would be interested in. My answer was a pretty quick no. For one thing, the perfect person for that job wanted that job (and thankfully has it). I knew she was the one that would move us forward. I knew I was the one who could move our Energy Assistance programs forward, and I knew those programs; their development, administration and growth was where I could best serve the agency and our customers. I said yes, I was sure there were probably jobs out there that I could reach for that would be a higher position, but I cannot imagine being more effective anyplace than right where I am.
So, an answer I finally said, was, I have always wanted to lose weight. I knew that wasn't where I was supposed to be going and I was asked to really think about the question and consider if there was a hobby I had always wanted to learn, or something I wanted to learn more about and I am still pondering that but I keep coming back to the only thing in my life that isn't where I want it to be is my weight. I don't understand why I have the willpower to do everything I have ever wanted to do in life except that, but there it is.
That evening, I had a chance to meet Andrew for dinner, While we were discussing our day, I asked him, "What is something I have always wanted to do, but haven't?" His immediate response? Jump out of an airplane. Oh yeah, I do want to do that, maybe not as much as I used to but I would still like to do it. We had it planned with a group of friends one time, it got postponed and by the time we started talking about it again, I was 4 months pregnant. I also want to zipline too, that is one that I really had put in the back of my mind too. Why? Because I would not want to do either one of those things being the size I am right now. UGH, back to my weight.
Part of last month's assignment was to figure out areas in my life that was important to me. One of the things I wrote down was "Adventures", Teresa, my life coach pointed out that there is usually a fine line between risk and adventure. Yes, there is, and I stay on the adventure side of things right now, though I'm not afraid to try new things, I am very careful not to decide I need to try something new right now that might give me a broken leg--and I just realized that isn't the truth, I am very careful not to decide I need to try something new right now that might make me look like a beached whale if I fail. There, said it. Truth.
So, this has come to the surface mainly while I am writing this. I have GOT to make my new hobby ME. In those areas of life I was supposed to write down, I had Health as one of them, but I knew, and admitted, that bucket wasn't as big as my other buckets and I am sitting here right now realizing it has got to be. This is standing in my way.
Tying this back to my faith, I have admitted before, I am not good at asking God to help me. I would rather be praying intercession for others but I know we need to get this fixed. I know my mom prays for me to get it together daily. I know she is afraid I will die before she does.
I will tell you, I have tried, and I go to the gym on a very regular basis, but I get discouraged before I get far enough along to have any lasting results. So, I am putting myself in God's hands. I am not starting a diet, I am taking control of my health and asking Him to take control of me. I have had a prayer for a long time that I say when I am going into meetings that could be heated. I ask God to keep His arm around my shoulder and His hand across my mouth. Now I am asking him to keep His hand across my mouth for another reason.
So, if you are feeling my pain in your life too, I'm going to give you some verses to get you through. I'm probably going to write these on cards and put them some places I need them. The fridge, my computer monitor, my billfold (for when I decide to go grab a burger instead of eat the salad I brought).
Of course, first and foremost:
PHILIPPIANS 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
then
1 CORINTHIANS 10:31
Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
and just one more for this week, we may have more in the future.
1 CORINTHIANS 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.
My life coach, Teresa McCloy, (https://www.therealifeprocess.com/) had stated we would delve deeper into why I sabotage myself with this at my next session and I am looking forward to that. But I believe I am starting this today. This was honestly one of those Saturday mornings that I sat down to write a nice little blog and God took me in a different direction as I typed. This is very much a "He wrote this to me" thing. And if someone else out there benefits, wonderful. And I might mention, yes, mine is my weight, but this could be for anything standing in the way of you being 100% who you want to be. Take it from there, and ask God to step in the middle of it. Let's see where it takes us.
It wouldn't be my blog without a song. Matthew West's Strong Enough has been running through my brain all through this, hopefully it runs through my brain a lot as I start this next adventure.
Until next week......
