Patience

Do you remember how old you were the first time you were told never to pray for patience? I believe I was around 8, and I was at a Mother-Daughter banquet at our church. I have to laugh at this because at the time I thought, in all of my 8-year-old wisdom, that talking about patience at a Mother's Day celebration was pretty weird---Then I grew up and had a kid, I totally understand.  In fact, I started thinking about patience and my lack of it the day I found out I was pregnant. I can not even fathom the number of times in my life my mom would try to tell me that I had to be patient. Back to patience and being pregnant. I self-proclaimed that God tried to prepare me for motherhood by giving me morning sickness---7 out of 9 months, I had to learn that somebody else was getting ready to rule my life in the form of a 7 lb, 7 oz little bundle of joy, who by the way, turned 24 this week and that was what I THOUGHT my blog would be about. No, this ended up being the week, God decided to teach me some more about patience, and experience, and hope.

For the past few weeks, I have been waking up every morning feeling like I have something in my right eye, I would be up a while, my eyes would water a while, and it would go away. I know I have mentioned before that I am taking Humira. It is wonderful to me but there are lots of potential side-effects, one being sinus issues. So, Dr. Mindy here, decided my sinus cavities were swollen and pushing on my eye. I started taking a couple of Benadryl before I went to bed of a night. I was still having the same problem but convinced myself it wasn't as bad.

Wednesday morning, I woke up to the same sensation but it didn't go away. Mom had an appointment in Terre Haute so away we went, I had taken more cold medicine, more benadryl and a few other assorted things that I thought might help my sinuses. I realized driving East at 7:00 in the morning that the light was not fun either.

I ended up getting a doctor appointment for Thursday morning. When she saw me, she said she felt like my eye was pushing on my sinuses, not the other way around and she called my eye doctor who told me to get there asap. Now I was a bit nervous. I wasn't thinking about it being an eye problem and lo and behold, all that research I did on Humira and sinuses, I had never looked to see if there were weird eye problems associated with it. The one thing I did know is that one of the side effects (and the reason my own doctor was very cautious) was cancer. So, I said a quick prayer that whatever this was, it was fixable and went to see Dr. Wolf.

He asked me if I had ever had an eye injury before and I have, but it was to the back of my eye, not the front. I was beat up 25 years ago, right about now honestly. He said that wouldn't have been what caused this but apparently I have some scar tissue on the inside of my eyelid that was loose, it has been sticking to my eye first thing when I wake up and apparently Wednesday morning, I rubbed my eyes while it was still there and gave myself a pretty big abrasion. Bless his heart and modern medicine. He put a contact over the abrasion which gave me about 80% relief. He dilated the eye so I still had some sensitivity but that pain being gone was a tremendious relief. The downside was he said we would heal this and then do some preventative measures to keep this from happening again but if it did, I would have to see an ophthalmologist to have the scar tissue removed.

I have a friend who we had been told had a corneal tear. I kept thinking "at least I'm not going through that!" Ironically, Thursday afternoon, she posted on facebook somethings about what she had experienced and I realized we were going through the same thing. I texted her and sure enough, we were having very similar experiences.

I shared with her about some of the things that had made me anxious and she reminded me that Jesus brings calming in the midst of fear. Yes, he does. And thankfully, He had carried me through a lot of fear. Ironically, the next morning, I was telling Dr. Wolf about this and about my friend telling me about using a scalpel to remove scar tissue off of her eye, this was right after she had said numbing drops were a wonderful thing.

I should have known what was coming next, sometimes I thank God for ignorance. Dr. Wolf took the contact out yesterday morning and put drops in that made everything great. I told him I didn't know what that was, but it made everything better--"they are numbing drops, I'm afraid they will wear off soon." Okay, I didn't ask WHY he numbed my eye but here I am with my chin in this little machine and him shining a bright light into my eye when all of the sudden a tool appears. "what are you doing now?" "You need to hold still, I will tell you in a minute". When he is finished, and tells me I can sit back, he tells me that some of the tissue of my eye that I had torn was just hanging there and it needed to be removed. Yeah, what I thought were tweezers were more like some kind of scissors.

He had to dilate my eye again so I was once again back to holding it closed most of the day. I have slept more in the last three days than I have believe I have slept in the last three years. There is just not much else to do when you are shading one eye from the light and if you try to read or do anything else very long it ends in a headache. Once again, God showing me I am not the one in control. (and made me very thankful that we painted our family room really dark colors).

So, I have had several friends who have reminded me this must be Him telling me to slow down. I find it very ironic that I spend half of my life irritated because I can't get things done fast enough and I have been at almost a complete standstill for three days. It all boils down to patience.

So, I am back to not praying for patience but I believe I am in the midst of the tribulation. Unfortunately, I have not found myself glorying in the tribulation either, YET.

Romans 5 starts out with Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
And patience, experience; and experience, hope.

And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

We were always taught not to pray for patience because the way you gain patience is through tribulation. So, I still won't pray for patience but I think I have surely gained a little here and people who work and live with me are probably the ones thankful for that.

I am so late getting this on because I was still typing when Dr. Wolf called and asked if I was ready to come and see him. I am now back from that visit, with NO contact in my eye! It doesn't hurt anymore, just feels like there is something a little wonky but I have a feeling I will wake up tomorrow and it will be all better. I now have an ointment that I will put in my eye to keep this from happening again and we will see how things go.

Now to get everything done that I haven't done in the last 3 days, this should be good!  But maybe, just maybe, I am supposed to learn that it will all still be there and I could slow down just a bit.

Sorry this is a LOOONNNG one!

I have to admit to you that the song running through my head all week has been Guns and Roses, Patience, don't judge.

But there is another song that I have had on my mind A LOT lately, since way before Wednesday and one that can probably be more of a little testimony than the GnR song.

Matthew West's Mended. Because sometimes that patience needs to be with God. His time and mine are very seldom the same, but I always know it is His that is perfect and He shows that to me over and over again.

Have a great week!

Milestones, Memories, and Marching Bands

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This is one of those weeks where lots of things happened in my life. I guess the biggest one was turning 49 on Tuesday. This was also one of those weeks I loved facebook. I had decided that anybody that took the time out of their day to think of me while telling me Happy Birthday, I would make sure I took the time to thank them back. As I did that, I thought of how I knew that person. There are a few of them that I have never actually met, including one niece, and one of Andrew's cousins, but I love being part of their online lives. There are a few of them that are my family, and I have known all my life, one particular cousin NEVER posts anything on facebook, so I felt very honored when she told me Happy Birthday. I was greeted by friends who I have known as long as I can remember, friends from different phases of my life, and friends that I have made just in the last few years. 

I had some really great birthdays as a kid, but looking back, I can't think of one that I thought more of than this year. My co-worker friends took me to lunch, and we went someplace special, that we had never been to as a group before and I had some surprises waiting on my desk when I came in, Two of my favorites were a Starbucks gift card and a pound of Pumpkin Spice coffee. I have a coffee maker in my office, so I have enjoyed that twice already this week. The main thing was though, all these people made me feel special, and loved. As you get older, I think that counts more than any material present you could come up with. 

This is where I get sappy, as I told a friends earlier today. Bear with me, you are going to think I'm getting off on rabbit trails, but it will all come together in a bit.

Tonight, I went out to the high school to Media Night. This is the night you first see all those boys (and girls) of fall. One of my main focuses was the band (of course) but I also got to see a few kids of people who were kids when I was a teenager. 

This is where it gets deep. I watched all of those teenagers and seriously remember back over 30 years ago standing on that very same football field with "my whole life ahead of me". (BTW, thank you AGAIN, Andrew for bringing me home!) I really didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. A part of me wanted to be a teacher, but it was more pressing that I find a job as quickly as possible. I also had aspirations of being a clothing designer. 

The funny thing is, I am sure, I never dreamt of being a receptionist, a fast-food worker, a cook, a kitchen manager, a gas station attendant, a retail store employee, a loss prevention employee, a office worker who helped people apply for government grants, a program director, an IT coordinator, (I'm not sure that was even a thing when I was in high school). Seriously, I never even thought about being a wife and a mother, but here I am, and I love where I am at. 

I was watching a show one time where one of the characters said, "We make plans, and God laughs". I get that, especially back then when I had no clue what I should really be wanting. One of the girls that I saw tonight, has visions of becoming a missionary, and I believe there is a big chance that she will. I also hope and pray that she will always (like it appears to me she does now) look to the Lord for what He wants her to do. 

I know of one particular time in my life that I was in such a hurry to go from one job to another that a part of me feels like I almost sold my soul to the Devil. I went back to work for somebody that I knew was bad news but offered me a job and I jumped at it, less than 24 hours after I realized the job I was in was dissolving. I know God was telling me no and I wasn't listening. Sure enough, 4 months later, I left that job and regretted ever going back in the first place. On the bright side, I believe I still ended up where I was supposed to be when Andrew came into my life.  I told a friend of mine this week, it is funny, the night before Andrew was sent to Effingham, he thought he was going to (and had already rented an apartment in) Texas. God said, "Nope, your destiny is here".

So, I look back over the span of my high school self to myself today and see that the verse I started out with is so very true. God knows where I'm going, how I'm getting there and when it is all going to happen. 
  
He never changes, as the one little blurb on The Message radio says, "If you are feeling far away from God, He wasn't the one who moved."


My challenge to you this morning is to really take the time to think back over your life, look at where He has lead you and consider what He has ahead for you. It may not always be easy, or even fun for that matter, but He sees the big picture and knows you need to be where you are now to move on to where you need to be next. 

One of my birthday presents was a paperweight, with this saying:

Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

God never promised easy, or painless, He does promise us that He will always be there with us though and that, is worth it all.

I'm leaving you with Francesca Battistelli's Beautiful, Beautiful.

May you have a wonderfully, blessed week.

Olympic Moments

I am one of those millions of people who do not watch many sports most of time. However, when the Olympics come along, I am mesmerized. In the Summer games, it is gymnastics that totally takes my attention, and in the Winter games, it skating. I watch the other events but those two are just raised to another standard.

I guess part of me has always wanted to be graceful and elegant,  okay, A LOT of me has always wanted to be graceful and elegant. Even as a kid, I was a klutz. As many times as I have fallen down in my life, it is a small miracle that I have never broken a bone. I was just reminded yesterday of tripping over my own feet in the parking lot of a hotel at Springfield. My less-than-a-month-old phone was the victim of that fall, right along with my ego. And, because of seeing awful things on facebook, and regrettably laughing, I now ALWAYS hope nobody got it on video tape.

But back to focusing on the Olympians. I watch them and think about how all of their young lives have been a focus on getting to this point. To this little tiny moment in time. I have watched videos and heard stories of things that people do that others seem to judge their whole lives on that couple of minutes of right or wrong. Yet, these kids are putting themselves out there and ASKING to be judged on a couple of minutes of their lives. Sometimes it is amazing, sometimes it is heartbreaking. In a lot of ways I really can't imagine working my whole life for one thing, for one moment. And then it hit me.

We should all be doing that...... Every moment of every day, we should be living our life for that one moment when we meet Jesus face to face. We have a race to run here on earth, that our reward will come when we reach Heaven. And today, I am challenging myself and you to start training for that day with the dedication of an Olympic athlete. I am inspired to leave it all on the floor, as I am sure those gymnasts have been told. Live your life to the fullest and do it with your eye on the prize, our eternal home.

That being said, just looking back on my week, I see things I wish I could change. Thing is, I can learn from those mistakes, ask God for more grace to do this better next time and move on.

All of this brings me to my verses for this week.

I am sure some of my Bible Scholar friends probably already know where I'm going this week.

1 Corinthians 9: 24-27

 24Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. 25And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. 26I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: 27But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.









This week, instead of a song, I am leaving you with a short youtube video I have found. It is called Run the Race and I think it is just a good reminder of the race we should all be running.


Hope you all have a good week!!

What's in the Box?

Looking at the last couple week's blog posts, I decided I need a week of "lightening up". If anyone else has had the week I have had, you need some lightheartedness as well. I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I downloaded this feelings chart and realized I hadn't spent much time in the Happy column, but plenty of time in the other three. So, time for an attitude adjustment!

 

 

 



Last Saturday morning, Robert was helping me move some things in the basement, There was a stack of boxes that needed moved. He, as well as I, believed each one of them would be heavy. He picked up one particular box, expecting it to be hard to lift, and it almost flew out of his hands. We had a good laugh but when he opened the box, it was empty. He said, and I quote, "Unbelievable! There that box was, sitting there looking all important, and there was nothing in it!" I immediately said, "There's a good lesson in that for the blog". I didn't really know if I would be led to use it this week, but I am.

Do we know people like that? Look all important on the outside, but when you get down to thinking about the things that count, there is nothing there. What SHOULD be in our box? I naturally assume that the Fruit of the Spirit should be in there.

Galatians 5:22-23 says:
²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

I know the world spends so much time looking at outward appearance as a sign of beauty, but I have seen some really well-put-together people who are ugly on the inside, and to me, it makes them ugly on the outside.

I have seen many, many people that I see so much beauty on the inside, that it radiates to the outside. I have so many beautiful friends, and that makes the world a better place. Especially when you aren't in that Happy column.

Some people like to surround themselves with beautiful things, and don't get me wrong, I like beautiful things too, God made so many things Himself that are just simply amazing, and then He created plenty of artistic people who can also make beautiful things but when you are going through trials, it is those beautiful people that I would rather have around.

I have gotten to experience  a lot of that this week too; love, concern, and prayer from friends who showed first hand they cared, that, my friend, makes life here on earth worth living.

So, today, as you go about your day, think about the ways God has shown you beauty this week, especially in your friends, family and acquaintances. Then think about ways you can be more beautiful to your friends, Those fruits of the Spirit are hard to show some days but the world is just a better place when we do.


I am leaving you with Jason Gray's "Glow in the Dark", something to Be-bop to this morning. Go have a Happy Saturday, and show the Fruit God has given you!