Bearing the Bullies

 I truly hope there are people out there who can say they have never in their lives been bullied. I am also truly hoping that if those people are out there it is not because they have always been the bully. When we think of bullying, I am sure many times our thoughts go to those not so great school days when someone made you feel like you didn't belong. I hate the fact that bullying is such a big problem yet today and that it seems like more kids than ever are being affected by it. I feel this is one place where technology has made life worse instead of better. When I was a kid and would have a run-in with one of my bullies, I knew I could come home. Home, where there was love. Home, where the bullies couldn't reach them because nobody could come in my house uninvited. Unfortunately, thanks to social media, pretty much anyone can be in your house nowadays, they are just a click away. And because of that word "frienemy", I am afraid for some, there just is no peace. 

I know one thing that made me look forward to growing up was that I didn't think there would be bullies. Now I have "there are no cats in America, and the streets are lined with cheese"  (thank you American Tale) running through my head, except, "there are no bullies in adult life, and the days are filled with ease". Yeah, I was just as wrong about the bullies as the mice were about America. Sad but true.

I guess I always thought when I grew up I could just pick and choose the people I was around and I wouldn't have to worry about ever being around people who were not nice, or for some reason just didn't like me. Unless you live a very sheltered life and have a job where you don't have to see people, you are going to be around not so nice people. A few, you may even label as bullies. 

I have one person that I have to deal with on a regular basis that fits this description. They are my bully. There are other people I know that can turn me wrong side out, but I usually have ways to get away from them. This one person, not so much. I have dealt with them for going on 20 years now and I would love to tell you after all that time, things have gotten much better. The fact is, things haven't changed. Maybe that isn't quite true, they haven't changed, I have. 

There were several bullies in the Bible, but I think we must realized the person in the Bible that was bullied the most was Jesus. Jesus had too many bullies to count and we can look at Him for our examples of how to react. Every time Jesus worked a miracle, there was someone there to question his motives, or to say He was blaspheming God.

The passage that stands out the most to me about Jesus being bullied was the last time it happened while Jesus was walking the earth. While Jesus was hanging on the cross, the rulers and many of the people around Him was mocking Him, telling Him if he was the Savior, save Himself. And his words? "Father, forgive them". 

I thought about this as I stood in my office one day in the last few weeks. I was getting ready to meet with someone that I honestly believes gets pleasure out of the fact they can bully me; and I have learned the best thing to do before that happens is to spend a few minutes in prayer. I pray that I remain calm, I pray that I behave the way Jesus would, and I pray that I can walk away without stirring the wrath this person seems to have for me. Father, forgive them.    Father forgive me.  Unlike Jesus, who was perfect, I know I also need to be asking for forgiveness for the thoughts I have about this encounter, for the insecurity I have, for the doubt I have. I need to be asking for strength and courage and as I stand there praying, I am trying to figure out how to get my feet to go one in front of the other because I just don't want to do this. Father, forgive me. 

I realized a few nights ago that I am totally not alone in this. One of my dearest and oldest friends shared with me that she actually had a "mean girl" in her life. I have a feeling we all do. God never promised us all unicorns and rainbows, He just promised us that He has our backs and it doesn't matter who likes us, because He loves us. 

As I have gotten older, I have learned to feel more compassion for those who want to be mean to me. I know their lives are very much about themselves and there is something wrong there or they wouldn't feel the need to try to make others miserable. God has given me too many things for me to be sad, or scared. So, I pray. I have actually prayed daily for this one person for years, hoping that they would be happier, and more content. 

Everything always seems to go right back to Matthew 22:47-40 

Jesus replied, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: "Love your neighbors as yourself.' The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments."

Yep, Jesus made it simple: Love God, love others. Amen.

The next time you have to face your bully, pray. Pray for them and pray for yourself. Let God wrap his arms around you (okay, I honestly pray that He keeps His hand over my mouth and His arm around my shoulder- so I don't say something that might be unbecoming to Him.)

I am leaving you with Matthew West's Strong Enough. I think this is perfect, when you know you aren't strong enough to face something, let Him be strong enough for both of you.. 

God's Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day eve!

    I hope this week has been good for you. Mine has been eventful but good. I had to have a colonoscopy and an upper GI last Friday and the end result (sorry, pun wasn't intended) was, "If there were a magazine for colon's, your picture would be in it". Well, okay then. I thought that was pretty good, no polyps, no ulcers, no hernias and then to top it off, those of you have been around for a while knows I was diagnosed with UC in 2011 and had a bad time of it including multiple hospitalizations until 2018 when I learned to control it with diet, stress management and exercise. The result? Yesterday there was NO SIGNS OF UC!!! That is not even supposed to be possible but I did it. My friend Mike got me on the right path of what to take to heal and to learn the things I couldn't have if I want to keep it under control (Thank you so much, Mike, I am forever grateful for all your research and devotion to helping me!) .  

The doctor said that doesn't mean I will never have a flare again, because I could, my body is prone to it, but I have went so long with doing things right, there isn't all of these raw places in my colon. Quite seriously, the first time I had a colonoscopy while n a flare, my colon looked like one solid mass of rivers, streams and creeks, but unfortunately, they were cracks in my colon. God is good. All the time.

Anyway, on with the real topic at hand. We are approaching Valentine's Day. That day some love, some hate and some just wish it didn't exist. We tend to make Valentine's Day a big deal because of romantic love and it is, the basis of the whole story of why we celebrate,  but I want to point out that the greatest love of all is the love of God. We are God's Valentine.

We had our Valentine Banquet at church last night. I got to help with it and I had an activity where we all went around the room and told of a specific time that we felt God's love. It was an incredible experience for me, I hope it was for everyone there. So many things He has done for so many people. 

Of course, going to church in the same congregation I was born and raised in, many of the things mentioned that was God showing His love to us in times of tragedy, I knew. I was there, and I was so thankful that I was able to be there when others were going through bad times and very thankful that those people were there for us when we were going through bad times.

My mom mentioned something though that challenged me. The year after my dad died, Mom was in the hospital for over 2 months, she knew the number of days, I do not remember. I know we celebrated Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas all in the hospital though. It was the second Halloween in 3 years I had a parent in the hospital. My dad had been, ironically, in the same ICU, 2 years before, just like my mom was that year. We ended up in Springfield shortly after that. For those of you not from around here, it is about 2 hours away. Mom mentioned that everyday there was someone there from our church. I was staying with an aunt so I could go to school, but that aunt wasn't able to bring me to Springfield when I had days off. If you get to thinking about it, there were several holidays in there. Someone would pick me up from school and take me to Springfield and then someone else would make sure I got back home in time to go to school the next day. 

I realized last night that the last generation of the church was better about that than I am. I mentioned last week that I was learning to be not so busy but I am also learning to do what matters and last night, standing and listening to not only the love God has for each of us, but the love that has been poured out through our families to each other, I was challenged. Challenged to check on people more, to visit more, to make sure needs are being met.

I love how God loves us enough to help us grow. Something as simple as a Valentine's Banquet gave me a new purpose for time well spent. 

Yesterday morning, we sang Lauren Daigle's You Say. I picked this because it is such a great love song and I admitted to the congregation that it is my go to song (it is also the ringtone on my phone so you have heard it if you are around me much).  I explained that being the IT coordinator at work is sometimes a very stressful job. It is my job to make sure the technology always works and everyone is able to work and well, we all know technology doesn't always work. I tend to take it personally when things go wrong, even when they are totally out of my control (and God JUST popped in my head that maybe I should let Him do His job and know that HE is the one in control), lol. Anyway, when I am having a good beating up on myself session, this is the song I hear in my head.

Okay, so one more thing that happened yesterday, one of my friends made the statement that something didn't go right and that was just her life. Funny enough, I had said the same thing earlier last week, I am waiting on something and I will share when I have an answer, but I had shared with several friends last week that I figured something would happen and I wouldn't get to do this thing just because that's how things are for me.  I seem to be pretty eager to jump on the, "nothing ever goes my way" bandwagon. One particular friend just point blank said, "That's funny because it seems to me like every time you turn around things are going your way." Well, truly, things probably do go my way more than I really think, it's just that we dwell on the ones that don't. I realize that is me taking for granted the many, many blessings God gives me.  And we really do need to remember, when God says no, it is because He knows the big picture. Easier said than done.

So, I am leaving you with this song. And just remember, when you don't belong, He says You belong to HIM.

Love you guys, Happy Valentine's Day. 

Singed Hair

 Sadly, looking back, it has been almost a year since I have written on my blog. I kinda let the "do something" get out of control and I have finally worked on getting through that. I have a friend who I also visited as a lifecoach for a while, Teresa McCloy, who always uses the term "hair on fire". After months of meeting with her, reading her new book (Do What Matters-available on Amazon), and now going through it a second time with Andrew, I know I was very much going through life with my hair on fire. So now, I am going through life with singed hair, lol

It takes a lot of courage and faith to jump into new things, but it also takes a lot of courage and faith to know when to say I need to stop the roller coaster. Actually, that is a really good analogy. Have you ever been on a roller coaster and really wanted to be off of it, as in NOW? I haven't, I love roller coasters and though they can be scary, for me, it is a bit like when my cat gets just scared enough that his tail fluffs out. I have always been told he is saying, "That scared me, but I kinda liked it". 

Back to getting off the coaster though. If I were in that position, I would be thinking, I really want off BUT, what will the other riders say? What will it do to them to stop the roller coaster? Will it make the workers mad? Will is screw up the coaster schedule for the rest of the day? Is there someone riding with me that is depending on me to finish this ride too? Yeah, all of those things would most definitely go through my head and I would stick it out until the end of the ride. If the things I got myself into only lasted 3 minutes, that might even be okay, 

So, last November, I took a leap and told the computer consulting company that I was working for that I wanted to take a break for a couple of months. I was very much testing the waters but it didn't take long to realize I was heading in the right direction and in December, I told them I didn't want to come back. I loved helping them grow as a company, There were only two full time people there when I started, now there is 10 and they have grown by customers so much I can't count. I miss the people but I really don't miss the work, and I know they are fine.

I also made a vow to myself that I wouldn't work weekends at ERBA anymore. And except for the week that I went to San Diego and had no internet of an evening, I haven't and then I only worked about 4 hours on Saturday morning just to make up for the nights I missed. And the funny thing is, my work is still getting done. I will never say never because there may be other times that I am under the gun that it has to be done, but for now, it is good.

I don't know why I got it in my head that I had to be so busy, I know I wanted to help that company and I find myself still in the habit of thinking I should do something when someone says they need something done. And I am not saying I won't do that some of the time, but God has kinda pointed out to me that I am not a one man show. There are others out there who can and need to do something, just not everything.

Many of you know I lead singing at our church, our pastor asked me the other day if I would be okay with some praise bands coming in if we invited some other churches to do something with us. My answer was gladly yes! I told him I was way passed being possessive of something like that. I would love to be in the congregation of a good praise band. My friend Carol invites me to her church for things sometimes and I love it. But even bigger than that, I don't want to let my selfishness make someone else lose out on getting a blessing. I know I have been there in the past and I have to go back to the old saying, when you know better, you do better. 

So, on top of me not having to do it all, I need to remember I shouldn't do it all! Yes, someone has to stand in the gap, and if God is leading me to be the one, then so  be it, but I am pretty sure I have totally ignored God whispering in my ear, "this assignment is not for you" just because I had it in my head that every time something needed done, I felt compelled to raise my hand first. I believe I was forgetting one very important piece of the puzzle, asking God what HE wants me to do. 

Somehow I have had it in my head I needed to prove myself to everyone, and that is just not the case. Andrew and I were discussing this last week as we were doing our book club. He made the statement he thought I had probably been competitive all my life and I said I didn't think so. And then he mentioned, "Okay, you have been competitive ever since you started playing the flute. Hmmmm. Well, okay.

Here's the deal. My first week of playing the flute was a disaster. I was showed how to hold my flute, and was told to take a pop bottle and try to make noise over it and that was how my lips should be when I was playing my flute. I am lefthanded. I totally got things mixed up and figured out how to get my fingers on all the keys they were supposed to be on, only backwards, I still can't figure out how I did that now, but I did. Anyway, my band teacher at the time told my parents not to buy me a flute, just rent it because I would not keep up, I was tone deaf and I was just too awkward to get it. I truly don't believe I was tone deaf, I just didn't understand what I was listening for, but the rest, he had a very good chance of being right. 

I loved the flute though, and I may have even wanted to play even worse because there were older girls I looked up to that played the flute and I wanted to be like them. So, that was probably one of the first times that I dug my heals in and told myself there was just no way I could quit. And I didn't, and I still play to this day. Now, a secret, it never came easy to me, I didn't know anything came easy to people but lets just say, I can figure out a computer issue much faster than I can learn a new piece of music. I worked my butt off every time I had a piece to learn. I couldn't seem to get timing naturally, I could count it out, but when I put my flute to my lips, it took a lot to make the sound come out correctly. I had honestly forgotten that until I played for the pit at Lincoln Trail a few years ago. I realized after two musicals that I was working to keep up like it was another part time job. It seriously got to where it wasn't fun for me (Sorry Sandra Nichols, but I know you knew that before I did). I have been working on trying to get Canon in D presentable for over two years, and I am still working, but I do it 20-30 minutes at a time, every week or two, not every night. 

So maybe that was the start of me having to prove myself. And I am slowly starting to really listen to God say, "you need to stop doing this. I made you, I know who you are, I know what you can do. Stop trying to impress others by how much you can get done and just live the life I set up for you"

Think I am taking poetic justice? Nope,

Look at Jeremiah 1:5a-b. "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." Yes, he was saying this to Jeremiah, but he says it to everyone of us.

Then lets look at another verse in Jeremiah, Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

Every time I have turned things over to Him, He has made my life better than I could have ever expected. It is time to let him be in control again, it is long overdue. I am glad I am learning this.

Something else I have really missed is blogging, and sharing my thoughts. I get reminded by people that it is truly something they believe God wants me to be doing, and since every time I sit down to write, it seems I can't get stopped, they are probably correct, He pretty well lets the words flow right though me; so I hope to see you all more often again.

So whether you are needing to stop the roller coaster, needing to step aside from having to do it all, or just needing a little encouragement for another week, here it is.

We sang this song this morning at church and I have had it in my head all day. I mentioned before we sang it that my favorite line is "He's still rolling stones away". Let Him roll the stones away for you!

Have a great week and see you sometime next weekend!