Apparently today is the day.....I'm back to the blog. I have to apologize, I just realized that I didn't even explain my exit on here, so if you were following the blog and not my facebook page, sorry. I was starting to feel like my blog was work, and even more than that, a drudgery; I didn't want to feel that way about something I was doing for the glory of the Lord, so I stepped back. Looking back over the last 6 months, I see now that God wanted me to step away before I said some things I would regret. I have spent several times in the last 6 months somewhat at odds with God. There have been so many things happen that I have just wanted to ask Him why And deep down, I know the answer. Just because you know the answer doesn't mean you have to like it. So, I am back, I have a feeling you will see my regular Saturday morning posts for at least a while. I have lots built up to talk about and I believe I have worked through my issues so I can hopefully use the events of the summer to be an encouragement to you in your walk.
I had a life-changing experience in June, June 8th, to be exact. I didn't have any clue that night would be so important to me. My boss and I attended a Chamber of Commerce dinner. One of the speakers that night was Mike Miller. He runs a computer company out of Mattoon, and one of these days, the focus of my blog will be on this initial meeting, as well as the events that followed but today I am going to fast forward. The result of this meeting was taking on a major, and I mean MAJOR technology overhaul of our agency. I have worked harder, crazier, and longer hours than I have ever worked in my life, and until this last week, I was seriously just crazy happy. This week, I lost my sparkle and looking back, I groan at some of the pictures in my head. Thank God for forgiveness. I tried not to show it to the people standing in my office door, but the thoughts that went through my head sometimes weren't nice. I am sorry. Unfortunately, we tend to take these kind of things out on the people we are closest to, they seem to be the most forgiving. I am truly sorry for that too.
Ironically, my very last blog post was talking about something I preach constantly. I would rather have a well rested Christian whose life isn't perfect, than a grumpy, tired Christian because they are not taking the rest the God deemed necessary. We all know God didn't rest on the 7th day of creation because HE needed to, He rested to show us that WE need to.
Let me set up the situation for you. Monday was a Holiday for us, so Tuesday was the first day of the workweek-- I DID work Monday though, and took my final test to become a national certified ROMA Implementer, again, another blog.... So, anyway, Tuesday's plans for the Technology update was to change the hardware out in the Charleston office. Most of these offices, what has been done, I have done myself. Charleston has always been intimidating to me, so I have not spent as much time there. So, my IT guys and I were meeting at 3 that day to start the change over. And because nothing goes as planned, this ended up taking 3.5 hours, including me on the phone with our ISP.
Little object lesson for you.....We had 6 computers, 3 printers, and an Ameren paystation machine that was on this network. If all of those things were brand new, out of the box, they could be set up exactly the way they needed to be for this particular network. We would set the settings, plug everything in, and go on down the road. Unfortunately, all of the computers have had different people sitting in front of them and that gives them different life experiences. When you are dealing with that, things are no longer so cut and dried. Isn't that just like us? We can ask God to help us plan for our future, and lead us down the path He would have us take, but just because we are turning to Him, doesn't erase the obstacles we have to get around because of things in our past. Thing is, just like the computers, it made things more complicated, but not impossible. And even with the complications, the outcome is going to be so worth it.
Back off the rabbit trail. When we left at 6:30 that night, everything seemed to be working fine. The next day, some weird things happened in the office and by Thursday, there were dire complications, to the tune of the whole office had no internet. It seems to have boiled down to a bad switch but the thing was, it changed the day for everyone on this project. My goal was to get to Martinsville and get equipment put in there. The plan was to get there, do my part and then have one of the guys remote in to walk me through the part I had only done a couple of times and we would be finished. The guy that was going to do that was stuck at Charleston, working on a computer there. So, I did Martinsville by myself. I did not do it the way Mike would have, and we do need to fix a couple things but I had them up and running and that was the most important thing, but I knew it wasn't right. That was when it hit me. We had a lot of problems this week.
I get in moods where I can't see the good for all the bad. Thursday night, I didn't sleep, I was quite literally sick to my stomach, and I was ready to throw in the towel. Yesterday morning, I tried to count 5 things good that happened this week and I couldn't do it. I was there. That place I hate. I cried in the shower and then I cried because I cried. I absolutely DISPISE crying because of failure. Almost as much as I hate failure. I have some sayings printed out in my office, and a couple of sticky notes with sayings on them that haven't made it to the official 8.5 x 11 yet. one of my stickies is a quote from Madeleine Albright, "There is plenty of room in the world for mediocre men, but no room for mediocre women". I was being mediocre to say the least.
One of my saving graces each morning is my daily phone call with my mom. I was telling her my problems yesterday morning and I started telling her a story about something that happened on Thursday. It dawned on me, it was a good thing. I can actually pretty easily name 5 good things that happened this week, including getting to spend time with a dear friend I met though work, and hearing her inspiring speech at a meeting I went to; I DID get Martinsville running by myself- any adjustments that need made, can be made remotely, so I saved myself another trip. There are really lots more.
The moral of the story though is I knew it was time to walk away. After lunch yesterday, I came home. I slept, I watch sappy Hallmark movies, I shopped for a new car (that is going to be my reward to myself when we get this stuff behind us). The main thing is, I rested. and it felt good, and I felt blessed. There were a couple of little things pop up from work, but it felt fine to say I will take care of it Monday. There were texts with friends not related to electronics and I could actually feel the spark coming back, and I knew I had followed God's direction for me. And how ironic is it that my dear friend, Susan posted this blogpost just yesterday, so after reading this, I had a long visit with my Lord. Sometimes, we don't know exactly who God has us blogging for, and sometimes we are blessed enough to find out. Yes, Susan, God used you for me yesterday :-).
So, I have just a couple of verses to leave you with today.
The first reminds us of the importance of rest in our lives:
Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
He offers it, He built us to need it, and we should listen to this command just as much as we do "Thou shall not kill". Our Lord offers us so much and why are we so hesitant to just accept it graciously and move on?
Then this verse has stumbled through my mind this morning, as I am there, I am on a mountaintop, ready to soar again:
Isaiah 40:31 But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
I have been there for so long, but this week I lost it. I have to think of Peter walking on the water to Jesus. That is exactly what happened to me this week. I took my eyes off of His glory and seen everything I am not. No wonder I was sinking.
But praise God, He picked me up, dusted me off and even added a little sparkle.
Happy Saturday everyone,
It really is good to be back!
And in my normal fashion, here is a song that goes along.
Danny Gokey's Slow Down is probably my theme song right at the moment.
I had a life-changing experience in June, June 8th, to be exact. I didn't have any clue that night would be so important to me. My boss and I attended a Chamber of Commerce dinner. One of the speakers that night was Mike Miller. He runs a computer company out of Mattoon, and one of these days, the focus of my blog will be on this initial meeting, as well as the events that followed but today I am going to fast forward. The result of this meeting was taking on a major, and I mean MAJOR technology overhaul of our agency. I have worked harder, crazier, and longer hours than I have ever worked in my life, and until this last week, I was seriously just crazy happy. This week, I lost my sparkle and looking back, I groan at some of the pictures in my head. Thank God for forgiveness. I tried not to show it to the people standing in my office door, but the thoughts that went through my head sometimes weren't nice. I am sorry. Unfortunately, we tend to take these kind of things out on the people we are closest to, they seem to be the most forgiving. I am truly sorry for that too.
Ironically, my very last blog post was talking about something I preach constantly. I would rather have a well rested Christian whose life isn't perfect, than a grumpy, tired Christian because they are not taking the rest the God deemed necessary. We all know God didn't rest on the 7th day of creation because HE needed to, He rested to show us that WE need to.
Let me set up the situation for you. Monday was a Holiday for us, so Tuesday was the first day of the workweek-- I DID work Monday though, and took my final test to become a national certified ROMA Implementer, again, another blog.... So, anyway, Tuesday's plans for the Technology update was to change the hardware out in the Charleston office. Most of these offices, what has been done, I have done myself. Charleston has always been intimidating to me, so I have not spent as much time there. So, my IT guys and I were meeting at 3 that day to start the change over. And because nothing goes as planned, this ended up taking 3.5 hours, including me on the phone with our ISP.
Little object lesson for you.....We had 6 computers, 3 printers, and an Ameren paystation machine that was on this network. If all of those things were brand new, out of the box, they could be set up exactly the way they needed to be for this particular network. We would set the settings, plug everything in, and go on down the road. Unfortunately, all of the computers have had different people sitting in front of them and that gives them different life experiences. When you are dealing with that, things are no longer so cut and dried. Isn't that just like us? We can ask God to help us plan for our future, and lead us down the path He would have us take, but just because we are turning to Him, doesn't erase the obstacles we have to get around because of things in our past. Thing is, just like the computers, it made things more complicated, but not impossible. And even with the complications, the outcome is going to be so worth it.
Back off the rabbit trail. When we left at 6:30 that night, everything seemed to be working fine. The next day, some weird things happened in the office and by Thursday, there were dire complications, to the tune of the whole office had no internet. It seems to have boiled down to a bad switch but the thing was, it changed the day for everyone on this project. My goal was to get to Martinsville and get equipment put in there. The plan was to get there, do my part and then have one of the guys remote in to walk me through the part I had only done a couple of times and we would be finished. The guy that was going to do that was stuck at Charleston, working on a computer there. So, I did Martinsville by myself. I did not do it the way Mike would have, and we do need to fix a couple things but I had them up and running and that was the most important thing, but I knew it wasn't right. That was when it hit me. We had a lot of problems this week.
I get in moods where I can't see the good for all the bad. Thursday night, I didn't sleep, I was quite literally sick to my stomach, and I was ready to throw in the towel. Yesterday morning, I tried to count 5 things good that happened this week and I couldn't do it. I was there. That place I hate. I cried in the shower and then I cried because I cried. I absolutely DISPISE crying because of failure. Almost as much as I hate failure. I have some sayings printed out in my office, and a couple of sticky notes with sayings on them that haven't made it to the official 8.5 x 11 yet. one of my stickies is a quote from Madeleine Albright, "There is plenty of room in the world for mediocre men, but no room for mediocre women". I was being mediocre to say the least.
One of my saving graces each morning is my daily phone call with my mom. I was telling her my problems yesterday morning and I started telling her a story about something that happened on Thursday. It dawned on me, it was a good thing. I can actually pretty easily name 5 good things that happened this week, including getting to spend time with a dear friend I met though work, and hearing her inspiring speech at a meeting I went to; I DID get Martinsville running by myself- any adjustments that need made, can be made remotely, so I saved myself another trip. There are really lots more.
The moral of the story though is I knew it was time to walk away. After lunch yesterday, I came home. I slept, I watch sappy Hallmark movies, I shopped for a new car (that is going to be my reward to myself when we get this stuff behind us). The main thing is, I rested. and it felt good, and I felt blessed. There were a couple of little things pop up from work, but it felt fine to say I will take care of it Monday. There were texts with friends not related to electronics and I could actually feel the spark coming back, and I knew I had followed God's direction for me. And how ironic is it that my dear friend, Susan posted this blogpost just yesterday, so after reading this, I had a long visit with my Lord. Sometimes, we don't know exactly who God has us blogging for, and sometimes we are blessed enough to find out. Yes, Susan, God used you for me yesterday :-).
So, I have just a couple of verses to leave you with today.
The first reminds us of the importance of rest in our lives:
Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
He offers it, He built us to need it, and we should listen to this command just as much as we do "Thou shall not kill". Our Lord offers us so much and why are we so hesitant to just accept it graciously and move on?
Then this verse has stumbled through my mind this morning, as I am there, I am on a mountaintop, ready to soar again:
Isaiah 40:31 But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
I have been there for so long, but this week I lost it. I have to think of Peter walking on the water to Jesus. That is exactly what happened to me this week. I took my eyes off of His glory and seen everything I am not. No wonder I was sinking.
But praise God, He picked me up, dusted me off and even added a little sparkle.
Happy Saturday everyone,
It really is good to be back!
And in my normal fashion, here is a song that goes along.
Danny Gokey's Slow Down is probably my theme song right at the moment.
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