So, this month has been dedicated to that voice in our head saying I can't. Even though I have a general thought for each week, God usually points out what He wants me to write about. This week was no exception. We learned at the end of last week that one of the girls I work with was starting through a huge storm. Her 12-year-old daughter just found out she has cancer.
Thanks to the Internet, and her caring bridge site, we are able to keep up with what is going on and I believe, though, I'm sure it doesn't seem like it to their family, the doctors are moving quickly. It still doesn't cover the fact; this is their child.......and she has cancer....
I have to tell you, my absolute, without a shadow of a doubt, biggest fear is losing my son. It was seriously what I was afraid would happen while he was still growing up. A big reason I was afraid was it seemed to be the one thing I couldn't turn totally over to God. I always assumed anything else God would throw my way, I could handle, but I have always figured I would just go off the deep end and yet, deep down inside, I knew if it happened, I would have no choice but to look to Jesus for my comfort.
I know the deep under-thought would be to be upset with God for letting bad things happen. It has to be natural to want to blame Him for cancer but even though we know He did allow it to happen, please remember there are two forces alive in this world. God didn't give my friend's daughter cancer but Satan did. Satan's whole purpose is to see how he can beat us down. If you don't believe it, read Job! There is nothing good in Satan.
I image anyone going through a trial will ask at least once, "God, why me?" Even though once you get your head on straight, you realize, "Why not me?" and then further "How can I glorify God through this?"
Until now, I've wrote about encouragement through life's little annoyances, today we are moving it up to where to look when you truly don't think you can move on. When you feel like you have been punched hard in the gut, you can't breath and you think it would be easier to just quite breathing all together than it would be to try to start again.
I'm going to go way back in time today. I have had two of those days in my life--roughly a year apart. I was thirteen when the first one happened, 14 with the second one. I have seriously felt like I have held my breath for years waiting for it to happen again. The first one was the day my dad died. I will never forget opening the door to my school Principal's office and my mom walking towards me, saying, "He's gone". To say I worshipped my dad was probably an understatement. My mom will tell you she didn't really have me until after he died because I was with him constantly. As unnatural as it is to lose a child, losing a parent when you are still a child has to follow closely behind.
Was I mad at God for letting this happen? Absolutely, But it took a matter of minutes to realize I needed to cling to Him to get through this. A year later, at 10 pm, I was standing outside ICU as a doctor was telling me and my sister that our mom was in a grave condition. He needed her to be moved to Springfield and because of everything going on, he didn't really believe she would make the trip alive. He had shared this with her and she had made the decision not to be moved. She didn't want us girls to get to Springfield in the middle of the night, by ourselves, only to find out we were orphaned. Was I mad at God that night? Beyond words.
The thing is, while I was in the midst of being mad, God was raining down miracle after miracle. I was too busy being mad to notice at the time. The first thing that happened was a couple from our church just decided to stop by the hospital (after 10 pm) on their way home from a ballgame in Charleston. Not a huge deal until you take proximity into account. See, they lived at Hidalgo, 30 miles straight south of where they were. We were in Effingham. Easiest way to put this into perspective? It would be like stopping in Chicago if you are traveling from Indianapolis to St. Louis. "On the way" doesn't cut it. This particular couple were some of my parent's best friends. There would have only been a handful that Mom would have requested such a favor, but here they were standing in her hospital room and when she asked if they would go, right then, with us girls to Springfield, there was not even a second hesitation.
When we got to Springfield, we found out that a doctor who specializes in what Mom was needing was on staff at the hospital. He had been overseas for six weeks teaching his new micro-surgery technique and had been back in Springfield less than a week. I love the fact that even though I wasn't opening my heart to God right at that moment, I look back and see how he was pouring out blessings.
What I want for everyone to take with them this week is in two separate parts. One part, for those who are in this big or biggest of your life "I can't" and the other one for those who see this going on in a friend's life. If you are going through a path that feels more accurate to describe as a hurricane than a storm, the number one thing I am asking you to do is don't turn your back on God. It may be hard to talk to Him but please remember He loves you and He has a plan. Matthew 5:45 reminds us that He makes His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
We want so badly to believe that nobody has had to go through what we are going through but we know that is not the truth. I seriously know now, how many days God simply carried me thorough. At the time, I couldn't figure what possible good could come of all the things God allowed to happen to me when I was a young teenager. Now though, I deal with families in crisis on a daily basis. Some not as severe as what I went though, many; worse, much worse than I could have imagined. I feel it has equipped me better than some for working with these families. That all being said, I still have questions that I don't know the answer to.
My main one is why God chose the path that He did for my mom. I don't think she has had an easy, no worry day since my dad died 35 years ago. She always put her trust in Him and I never saw her take her eyes off of Him. After my dad died, I had a tendency to feel sorry for us, and to complain. If she heard me, I was sent to a seat with my Bible and told to read Job. Sometimes I am a little hard-headed. I have probably read the book of Job at least 100 times, most of those before I was 18. I know she knows her reward is waiting for her in Heaven. I just truly wish things could just be easy for a while here for her.
The second part is for the friends who are surrounding the ones going through the storm. Our jobs are to do, and the first thing to do is pray. Never discount the power of prayer. One last look to the book of Philippians, chapter 4:6-7. says, "Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." When you are going through a super storm, that first goal is to get to the other side--to that point that just as Jesus calmed the storm on the sea, you can feel Him calming the storm inside. I have said it before, I have seriously felt the peace that comes with others praying for me.
Prayer is NOT a little thing.
Today's song is fitting, Casting Crown's Praise You in This Storm. I have always wanted to sing this song at church but I still can't get through it without crying, remembering all the times He has truly calmed the storm in me. So, now, I listen to it in private and thank God for bringing me through to the other side.
No comments:
Post a Comment