Let Me Tell You a Story

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time there was a little boy who had a mommy and daddy who loved him very much. He lived in a house with both his mommy and his daddy. When he started kindergarten, he went home and asked why mommy and daddy lived in the same house. This was one of the first things that he was made fun of for.  When he was about in third grade, and his mommy and daddy would take him places, he would go home and ask why kids would make fun of him for doing things with his parents- THIRD GRADE. He was not a big kid, and not very tall. by 5th grade, he became a punching bag for another boy on the bus ride home. His mom's first advice was to pray for the little boy that was hitting him. After being bruised up too many times, and the bus driver not seeing it happen-- (and consequently saying it didn't happen when the mom called the school) the mom says, "just once, hit him back". That may not have been the best advice to give, but she did. That ended up with the little boy having a black eye. He went back to praying for the other boy.

Also, when he was in fifth grade, the little boy was diagnosed with dyslexia. He had a learning disability. This apparently added more fodder for kids to make fun of. He spent a lot of time unhappy and even though he had a few good friends, he had many bullies, and his mom was truly scared. She never worried about what he would do to other people, but what he would do to himself. It made her angry.

His grades became worse, and right or wrong, the mom blamed the school's handling of his learning disability on that as well. It felt like to her they thought he was unteachable.

The highlight of this little boy's life was Wednesday nights, AWANA night. His mom took his 3 best friends and him to AWANA, where he also had two best friends who went to a different school. These two best friends were also at church most Sundays, so he got to see them then as well.

His mom loved seeing those bright days, but they would be mixed with days that truly made her think she needed to seek counseling for him, and she knew the root was how he was treated at school.

The opportunity came for the family to move, and they did. This was partially instigated by, yes, gasp here, the little boy and his two best friends from AWANA that went to another school-the school he would go to. It didn't hurt that this was also the mom's original hometown.

The first day at the new school, when the little boy walked in the gym, another boy who he had never seen before met him and introduced himself. He was a friend of the other two boys and had heard this new kid was coming.

Over the next couple of years, the boy began to thrive. But one day, he got upset with his special education teacher, who he really liked, but he wasn't happy with what she had said. He was in 7th grade by now. He went back to his classroom, and made the statement to another student, he would like to kill her. And you know what happened next? The other student told someone. And the little boy went to the principal's office, and the principal called his parents, and the parents went to school.  Things were discussed in great detail, and it was realized that he truly did not mean it, but understood the repercussions and had detention for a week. He was disciplined, but talked to about what was going on in his mind. The parents didn't yell at the principal, or the teacher, or blame them for their son's actions. They realized, they may have used this phrase at home, not even thinking that anyone would take them literally, and so they learned a lesson as well.

The next year, he was faced with a bully again. One that would wait until they were well off the school grounds, when the little boy was walking home from school. On one particular evening, the bully jumped him and he ended up with broken glasses. The mom called the school but because of the previous run-ins with the other school district, she was sure there was nothing that would be done. She was wrong. The principal took immediate action. The little boy was afraid it would make matters worse. The school made sure it didn't.

The little boy continued to thrive, and be a loving, caring human. The mom thought often about the times she was truly afraid he would kill himself and was realizing that was no longer a thought. She saw him feel safe, secure, and protected. He was happy.

High School is always a scary time for kids, and this was a little intimidating to the boy too. Fortunately, because of his relationships from AWANA, he knew a few upperclassman. The whole family went on a field trip with the High School Chorus before school even started. One of those upperclassmen took him under his wing that night, and the mom and dad knew then everything was going to be okay.

He still had one boy that bullied him, and one day as he was being picked on outside of the high school, the upperclassman mentioned earlier and another one came out the door. They saw what was going on and came to the boy's defense. That was the last time he was bullied.

(Ironically, years later that same boy that was bullying him had a problem and ended up finding the boy because he knew he could talk things out to him. The bully was thinking he might need a place to stay and the boy told him that his house was always open).

This boy grew into the young man that many of you know and love; my son, Robert.

I am that mom. I am the one that was afraid of what he might do to himself. He had a good support system of adults, so I was really never afraid of what he might do to others but am thankful for Travis Wyatt, for taking things seriously when Robert said something he shouldn't have. It was not ignored.
That is a big deal. It was also not ignored when Robert was being bullied, That is a big deal.

I want so badly to bury my head in the sand with all the school shootings, but there is a pang of "what if's" that run through my head. If we would have stayed where we were, where it truly felt almost everyone at the place he spent basically 40 hours a week, was against him, would us loving him have been enough? I say yes because we didn't stick around to know, truth is, I don't know.  I do know Robert is a different young man because we moved.

Do I cry every time I think about what could have been? Yes, Do I thank the Lord for letting us come home to Newton?  DAILY.

I don't know if you can blame one arena on all school shootings whether it is gun control, mental health, parenting, school officials, or other kids.

I do know I wish every community on earth was like Newton. And I hope and pray every child in our own school district has the same experience, I look at the amazing support of this community with the kids and know that when Robert was in school, his friends were not based on the "haves and have-nots" but on common interests, and personalities. I pray it is still like that.

I am by no means saying it can't happen here, we all know that isn't true, but I am saying we live in a community with proactive people. That makes a huge difference.

I already mentioned Travis, but Lori Kocher was the teacher that Robert made the statement about. Lori actually called me about this too, I so appreciated it, and it was the right thing to do. Lori and I had known each other since high school, but I wonder after reading some of the posts if she was afraid of how I would react. I hope not, but I bet the answer is yes.

Garrett Birch and Tanner Parr were the two little boys that I feel like helped save Robert's life. They probably heard more of what was really going on in his days at school than I did. They were just being themselves, but I thanked God for them in Robert's life everyday.

Josh Welling and Greg Sainer were the two that stopped the bullying in high school. Same as above, I am so thankful to God for these boys, who are all now awesome young men.

There were so many more, Robert had such a wonderful support system of both teachers and friends. He will tell you high school was amazing.

Too many of you to name, but you know who you are.

Thank you for being a friend. Thank you for helping make Robert who he is today.

Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it

It takes a village, it truly does. We have a great one.

Signed,

that mom