That Proverbs 31 Woman

 So, it is that time of year again. The day all of us compare ourselves to the 21 verses in the Bible that tells how to be the perfect wife and mother. I have spent many years reading that passage and looking at how short I fall. And for some reason, God finally pointed out a couple of things to me. And I want to pass them on. 

So, just as a refresher here is Proverbs 31:10-31

A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I was probably around 5 the first time I heard these words that they really sunk in. I am sure it was either a Mother-Daughter banquet or Mother's Day. I listened to the words and thought with pride, this is MY mom. She always had food on the table, and honestly, she made most of our clothes, I remember anytime decisions were being made about purchases at our house, Mom and Dad sitting in the living room making those decisions together. Our house was always spotless, she was always there for everything at school, and I watched as she took care of her own mom, and even our extended family; when someone needed a gap filled she was there. 

As I become a young wife and mother though, comparing myself to Proverbs 31, I felt like I always fell short. I couldn't seem to keep it all done, and I would get tired. When Robert was a baby, we lived 13 hours away from my mom, and Andrew worked between 70 and 80 hours a week. I was bound and determined to do everything right, down to cloth diapers because they were better. I made homemade baby food because it was healthier, I made a lot of his clothes, mainly because Proverbs 31 said I should.  I decorated whatever apartment we were living in and cleaned it constantly, And I hated the Proverbs 31 woman. 

So here we are, 25 plus years later, and I have revisited her. Tearing it apart piece by piece, I realize if we are judging a lifetime instead of a moment, I think I'm okay. There have been days I am sure Andrew was not happy with me, I think we have all been there. but for the most part, I think he would tell anyone that he does have confidence in me and most days he feels his life is better because I'm in it. I also can say my family has not ever had to run around naked, so they were clothed, nobody has ever had to go without food either. There are days, and more so in the last few years than when Robert was too young to fend for himself that I would say, "there is peanut butter in the cabinet" if I was in the middle of something and someone thought they would die of starvation, but the point is, there was still food for them. 

And then, this is one of those things that I JUST NOTICED THIS YEAR. She provided food for her servants. WHAT???? You mean all these years, we thought we had to be Superwoman because of Proverbs 31 and SHE HAD HELP??????? Yeah, I don't know why that never hit me until this year. 

How much easier would it have been to live up to all of this if you actually had several (notice is says more than one) people to help you. Ironically a friend mentioned this week on facebook about these celebrities that think childrearing is so daunting, they had lots of people helping them. Well congratulations because I would nearly place money on the fact that if you were reading this, you didn't have a staff of servants at your beck and call. And right here right now, if you are where I am, I imagine you can look back and see that in that big picture, your kids survived, and probably think you are pretty great now that you got them through the eye rolling years. If you are one of my younger friends who are still raising littles, or not even started there yet, please don't let one day define you. Those sayings that in a hundred years it doesn't matter what your house looked like, but it will matter that you made a difference in the life of a child, so true. Just sayin'. I know there were times Robert and I was doing something and the house was less than spotless, but I can't pinpoint a single one. I know he can tell you of the things we did together though, and that is what is important. 

As women, we also run into people who judge us for our choices on whether or not to be a stay-at-home mom, or if we work outside the home. I think Proverbs 31 shows pretty easily that we can do either of these things. When Robert was little, we lived out east and didn't know anyone. Until we moved, I had every intent to keep working and have Robert in daycare. As it turned out, I didn't want to leave him with strangers, so I quit my job a month before he was born as we headed to Pennsylvania. That was the perfect choice for ME and for him at that time. We moved back to Olney and he started school. I realized everyone had more of a life than I did, so I went in search of a job. That job has turned into my career and I really believe God had every intent of me doing this and doing it well as much as he did on me being a good wife and mother. 

That brings me to the most important line in this whole passage. In verse 30 it says a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. THAT my friends is the point. Fear the Lord, listen to him and He will make you the wife, the mother, the woman He wants you to be. I've missed that all these years. The rest will fall into place if you love the Lord. 

So, go back, read that passage again and place the emphasis where it belongs, Love the Lord. He will take care of you and help you through those eye rolling years, and mold you into who HE wants YOU to be.

Happy Mother's Day.

I'm leaving you with a short film we showed at our Mother Daughter banquet last night. Get out the tissues and enjoy. Funny enough, Robert was one of the servers last night for us. So he saw it. He tells me his allergies really acted up during this. Mine did too.