Singed Hair

 Sadly, looking back, it has been almost a year since I have written on my blog. I kinda let the "do something" get out of control and I have finally worked on getting through that. I have a friend who I also visited as a lifecoach for a while, Teresa McCloy, who always uses the term "hair on fire". After months of meeting with her, reading her new book (Do What Matters-available on Amazon), and now going through it a second time with Andrew, I know I was very much going through life with my hair on fire. So now, I am going through life with singed hair, lol

It takes a lot of courage and faith to jump into new things, but it also takes a lot of courage and faith to know when to say I need to stop the roller coaster. Actually, that is a really good analogy. Have you ever been on a roller coaster and really wanted to be off of it, as in NOW? I haven't, I love roller coasters and though they can be scary, for me, it is a bit like when my cat gets just scared enough that his tail fluffs out. I have always been told he is saying, "That scared me, but I kinda liked it". 

Back to getting off the coaster though. If I were in that position, I would be thinking, I really want off BUT, what will the other riders say? What will it do to them to stop the roller coaster? Will it make the workers mad? Will is screw up the coaster schedule for the rest of the day? Is there someone riding with me that is depending on me to finish this ride too? Yeah, all of those things would most definitely go through my head and I would stick it out until the end of the ride. If the things I got myself into only lasted 3 minutes, that might even be okay, 

So, last November, I took a leap and told the computer consulting company that I was working for that I wanted to take a break for a couple of months. I was very much testing the waters but it didn't take long to realize I was heading in the right direction and in December, I told them I didn't want to come back. I loved helping them grow as a company, There were only two full time people there when I started, now there is 10 and they have grown by customers so much I can't count. I miss the people but I really don't miss the work, and I know they are fine.

I also made a vow to myself that I wouldn't work weekends at ERBA anymore. And except for the week that I went to San Diego and had no internet of an evening, I haven't and then I only worked about 4 hours on Saturday morning just to make up for the nights I missed. And the funny thing is, my work is still getting done. I will never say never because there may be other times that I am under the gun that it has to be done, but for now, it is good.

I don't know why I got it in my head that I had to be so busy, I know I wanted to help that company and I find myself still in the habit of thinking I should do something when someone says they need something done. And I am not saying I won't do that some of the time, but God has kinda pointed out to me that I am not a one man show. There are others out there who can and need to do something, just not everything.

Many of you know I lead singing at our church, our pastor asked me the other day if I would be okay with some praise bands coming in if we invited some other churches to do something with us. My answer was gladly yes! I told him I was way passed being possessive of something like that. I would love to be in the congregation of a good praise band. My friend Carol invites me to her church for things sometimes and I love it. But even bigger than that, I don't want to let my selfishness make someone else lose out on getting a blessing. I know I have been there in the past and I have to go back to the old saying, when you know better, you do better. 

So, on top of me not having to do it all, I need to remember I shouldn't do it all! Yes, someone has to stand in the gap, and if God is leading me to be the one, then so  be it, but I am pretty sure I have totally ignored God whispering in my ear, "this assignment is not for you" just because I had it in my head that every time something needed done, I felt compelled to raise my hand first. I believe I was forgetting one very important piece of the puzzle, asking God what HE wants me to do. 

Somehow I have had it in my head I needed to prove myself to everyone, and that is just not the case. Andrew and I were discussing this last week as we were doing our book club. He made the statement he thought I had probably been competitive all my life and I said I didn't think so. And then he mentioned, "Okay, you have been competitive ever since you started playing the flute. Hmmmm. Well, okay.

Here's the deal. My first week of playing the flute was a disaster. I was showed how to hold my flute, and was told to take a pop bottle and try to make noise over it and that was how my lips should be when I was playing my flute. I am lefthanded. I totally got things mixed up and figured out how to get my fingers on all the keys they were supposed to be on, only backwards, I still can't figure out how I did that now, but I did. Anyway, my band teacher at the time told my parents not to buy me a flute, just rent it because I would not keep up, I was tone deaf and I was just too awkward to get it. I truly don't believe I was tone deaf, I just didn't understand what I was listening for, but the rest, he had a very good chance of being right. 

I loved the flute though, and I may have even wanted to play even worse because there were older girls I looked up to that played the flute and I wanted to be like them. So, that was probably one of the first times that I dug my heals in and told myself there was just no way I could quit. And I didn't, and I still play to this day. Now, a secret, it never came easy to me, I didn't know anything came easy to people but lets just say, I can figure out a computer issue much faster than I can learn a new piece of music. I worked my butt off every time I had a piece to learn. I couldn't seem to get timing naturally, I could count it out, but when I put my flute to my lips, it took a lot to make the sound come out correctly. I had honestly forgotten that until I played for the pit at Lincoln Trail a few years ago. I realized after two musicals that I was working to keep up like it was another part time job. It seriously got to where it wasn't fun for me (Sorry Sandra Nichols, but I know you knew that before I did). I have been working on trying to get Canon in D presentable for over two years, and I am still working, but I do it 20-30 minutes at a time, every week or two, not every night. 

So maybe that was the start of me having to prove myself. And I am slowly starting to really listen to God say, "you need to stop doing this. I made you, I know who you are, I know what you can do. Stop trying to impress others by how much you can get done and just live the life I set up for you"

Think I am taking poetic justice? Nope,

Look at Jeremiah 1:5a-b. "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." Yes, he was saying this to Jeremiah, but he says it to everyone of us.

Then lets look at another verse in Jeremiah, Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

Every time I have turned things over to Him, He has made my life better than I could have ever expected. It is time to let him be in control again, it is long overdue. I am glad I am learning this.

Something else I have really missed is blogging, and sharing my thoughts. I get reminded by people that it is truly something they believe God wants me to be doing, and since every time I sit down to write, it seems I can't get stopped, they are probably correct, He pretty well lets the words flow right though me; so I hope to see you all more often again.

So whether you are needing to stop the roller coaster, needing to step aside from having to do it all, or just needing a little encouragement for another week, here it is.

We sang this song this morning at church and I have had it in my head all day. I mentioned before we sang it that my favorite line is "He's still rolling stones away". Let Him roll the stones away for you!

Have a great week and see you sometime next weekend!