It's me again, hopefully I am back. Yes, it has been a long time. I look back at this last year and I am a little disappointed in myself for not taking the time to post. I would think about it, know what I wanted to say and then just not get it done. I always have this theory that no matter how busy life gets, we take the time for the things we really want to do and yet I didn't write. I miss my Saturday morning coffee and blogging, so here I am. So, I was looking back at where I derailed myself and was trying to figure out what happened.
Have you ever forgotten who you are? I was hypnotized at a banquet a couple years ago and for the life of me I couldn't tell you my name. A simple word brought it all back pretty quickly and I even remembered not being able to remember my name. As we grow through life, I think it is easy to lose track of who we are. Don't get me wrong, I pretty well love my life, in all its craziness but there are times I need to focus on who I am versus who I want to be. I think we probably all go through this.
A couple of months ago, our preacher started preaching revival messages, and he basically is still going. The first week he did this, my mom had been in a hospital in Terre Haute, about an hour away from my house for a week. I was trying to make it to see her at least every other day, juggling my jobs, and keeping everything going at work and home. As I was sitting in the pew that morning, I realized that I had let my relationship with Jesus kind of be on autopilot. Pastor Tim had an illustration that shocked all of us so much you could have heard a pin drop. He spit a big drink of water across the front of the church, and he was right, God was probably wanting to do that with me. I have my habits, and I still had them, I go to the gym at least 5 mornings a week, on my way to the gym, I listen to a daily devotional and have prayer time, so I was thinking, me and God, we're fine. We all have friendships that we take for granted. You just know those friends are going to be there, kinda like you know when you open your drawers, you are gonna find your clothes. Just because we know they are there, doesn't mean we should assume they always will be. Now yes, Jesus, He will always be there but taking that for granted still isn't the best thing for me or anyone else. I know He never moves, but the more I take that relationship or granted, the more I catch myself moving away from Him. I woke up out of my fog that day, looking back at my blog posts, I think I have been in the fog a couple of years.
I know I got busier than ever. I started doing some accounting work for some friends, and then another friend and I started a business together. I still of course, have my career that is my calling at ERBA, and my fun job at TEAM ITS, so when you look at the pieces of the pie, it seems understandable that I let some things like this blog slide. But I started losing that me I want to be. I am one of those people that get things done, give me a deadline and I will make it. This last week I had two major ones at work, both due Friday. One was done Wednesday, the other Thursday, 8:00 Thursday night, but it was done. I am a people pleaser, which the more people you let in that inner circle, the harder people pleasing becomes, I always love a good challenge though.
So, I have started coming back to the place I belong and it feels really good. Jesus and I are getting that close relationship back, I picture in my head that for the last couple years, we have been at that, "I really had a nice visit on the phone today" friendship to, "hey, that room at my house that is for you, come stay here." and of course, He said, "Gladly".
Matthew 6:33 (NIV) says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
I have known this my entire life, which is why to many people in my life, I wasn't slipping away from Jesus, I was just in my comfort zone, which, I had to laugh as I wrote this, "comfort zone" isn't really my normal spot. Life is an adventure, comfortable can be a little boring to me. Lol.
So, if you are in that comfort zone this morning, I hope this gives you a little nudge to find your way back to the you that YOU want to be. I know life is smoother when Jesus is in the center of it, not just hanging around.
On a little tangent from that, people who know me, know music is a major factor in my life. I love many different genres and if I am awake, there is usually some music going on somewhere. We decided recently to start adding a little contemporary music in our worship service. This brought me from listening to it a little each week to listening to it a lot.
Sorry this is getting long, but I need to back up. I mentioned my mom was in the hospital. She fell on January 29th, outside, in the snow and broke both her right arm and right leg. She is 81. The first thing that the doctors talked about was sending her to a nursing home. That was so not okay with me or her either one. She was in the hospital 23 days and came home to my house. When she first got here, we had a hard time getting her from the bed to the wheelchair. As I am typing this, I am hearing her walking around upstairs with her walker. We have come a long way. When she first came home with me, I was bound and determined it was time for her to stay here. She is content here but I know she misses her house and I have realized in the last few weeks that me being the best daughter I can to her is finding it in me to be secure enough to be happy when she can go back to her house. That's not easy.
Annyywway, Matthew West wrote a song a little over a year ago called Truth Be Told. I loved it when I heard it but the last month it has been my theme song. It's not that I really feel broken, but I have realized it is tiring trying to be that perfect Christian, or as Matthew West said in an interview about the song, a professional Christian. That part of the song that says, "I say its under control, but its out of control and You know it". THAT is where I have been. I am an awesome faker, and I don't really mean to be, but I have noticed in the last few weeks, that I am. God has a lot to do with me pulling things off that I am not sure how I do, but I do and I know it is His Grace that is doing the work, and I don't want to forget that.
So, this has carried on long enough for one week. I am leaving you, as always, with a song. You probably already know which one.
Until Next Saturday (hopefully EARLIER next Saturday!)
~Mindy
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