The Voice of Truth

So, I am doing something I never really do. It is 20 after four on Saturday morning and I am writing my post for the week. It's funny how God works. I normally write my post on Friday morning and then put them up on Friday night to auto publish on Saturday morning. Because I was going to be leaving early yesterday, I started my post on Thursday. For the first time since I had started this, God had not sent me a real clear message of what he wanted me to say. This morning it was clear he was waiting on yesterday. I normally have a friend that rides up to Springfield with me, but yesterday; she had other plans. As much as I missed her company, I realized God had a reason for me to go by myself yesterday. I have been running at a crazy pace and even though I spend every morning in prayer and Bible study, it wasn't two hours of just having time alone with God. We honestly got a lot of things worked out that I really didn't know I was having problems with until I had that time alone.

One of the first things we worked out was my fears of what is going on with my mom. It seems since October there has been one thing after another and we still have got some issues going on that nobody can find an answer to. I made the statement last week that one of my first fears was something happening to my mom, I'm afraid one of my fears right now is something happening to my mom. The latest that has happened was she had three skin cancers removed two weeks ago, infection set in and last week instead of just taking the stitches out, they took the stitches out and left an inch and a half by an inch hole open in her arm. She and I have spent the last week packing it daily. I have spent the last week worried that I was doing it wrong, that I wasn't smart enough to do this. You now probably can figure out why my blog is named what it is.I was honestly shocked when the doctor didn't reprimand me for the way her arm looked. In fact he seemed to think it was doing OK, and now we are packing it every other day and using a different substance. My mom joked around last Friday night that I have a new hat, wound technician.

The next thing God and I really talked about was the fear, the constant fear, that I have had for the last four years. Four years ago on Thursday, Robert totaled his car. I had never seen a vehicle in the shape his car was in and the person walked away. I truly, for the first time since he was little really thought about the fact that we almost lost him. Him having to drive 40 miles a day to work on a road where that I drive too and see all the stupid things that happen. I hadn't really realized how much of the time I spend with my guard up waiting for somebody to call me and tell me he's been in a wreck. I was looking back through my own journal and realized that the anniversary of a good friend of his dying in a car accident was in the last few days too. I had never noticed that. It was the first one of Robert's friends to get killed, and it shook this house to the core.The one thing that each one of us treasured though was the fact that we knew this boy was saved. It's still does not take away the loss we all feel. As much as I would love to say that I accomplished not having as much fear of losing my son, I'm going to chalk that up to "that's the way God made me" and I think he wired every mom with a certain amount of worry for her children.
 

Thinking about Roberts wreck though made me think about that week. That was truly a week that I felt like my life was spiraling out of control. Robert and the wreck on Saturday, and Andrew lost his job the following Thursday. Anybody that knows me knows that I constantly waited on those shoes to drop and the fact that everything happened in less than seven days was just crazy. Looking back though, I have to tell you I still am very sure that it was one of the best things that ever happened to Andrew. If  I could get over the fear of not having constant work, I would say it was the best thing that ever happened to all of us. I am assuming that with time, that confidence will come. Right at this moment, he has more work lined up than he ever has. The main thing though, is he is a totally different person than he was that day four years ago and I love that.

As Jesus and I were talking, we moved onto my own job. I love my job with all my heart and feel God put me on the earth to do exactly what I'm doing. As with everything else, there are changes constantly and I am slowly losing all of my mentors to retirement. It feels funny because when I first started, I had all these moms; now I am becoming one of the moms.
This has been an absolute crazy week at work and I have spent most of the time juggling multiple issues. As hectic as it gets I truly am living my dream. I had a client very sincerely say, "God bless you" this week and it truly does something to me when that happens. It reminds me exactly why I do everything I do. When I was younger we were taught that our primary job as Christians here on earth is to spread the gospel, to tell the untold millions and to help bring others to Christ. We sometimes forget that we are also supposed to be ministering to other Christians. 2 Corinthians 12:19b says "We have been speaking in the sight of God as those in Christ; and everything we do, dear friends, is for your strengthening." 

Just a reminder that it is our jobs to build each other's faith. 
 

I get amazed at the things I get to do as part of my job. God has given me an amazing life. Sometimes I get so caught up in the day-in, day-out, that I forget just how awesome He is.  I also get those voices in my head that says I don't deserve what I have and that tomorrow I could lose it all. The truth is, here on earth, that is true. But the one thing I can't lose is my eternal home. It is ready and waiting, no matter what happens here. When I was in my early 20's and single, I was ready to go any time the Lord would have called me home. I still am, don't get me wrong, but I also look forward to seeing what the future holds for Robert as well as for me and Andrew as I feel there is a lot more down the road for us. 

I guess after rambling around on all these things, my main point comes back to the blessing I got yesterday morning when Jesus had time to replace all those voices that the Devil had put in my head with the thoughts, encouragements and love that He wanted there. Psalm 1:1-2 kept running through my mind as this conversation was going on. 

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the council of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in His law he doth meditate day and night. 

So, several things: Find some time to really get alone with Jesus, it does the soul good. I feel like I had my own little revival yesterday. Look for what God is trying to tell you, not what the Devil is trying to discourage you with. Finally, thank Him daily for where you are now, count your blessings, and if you are having trouble finding them, look around. If you are looking to Him, he will show you blessings. 

No matter what happens here, if you are a Christian, you have a home in Heaven that nobody can take from you. If you do not know what I am talking about, please message me here, or on fb. I would be glad to go into more details. 

I have had a ton of songs go through my head writing this one but I keep coming back to Casting Crowns "Voice of Truth". Very truly what I had yesterday morning.

All this being said, as much as I am glad I got that time with God, I missed my friend yesterday and I know that God blesses our discussions as well-- hopefully we will return to our normal routine for the next trip in a couple of weeks!