Risk, Adventures, and Letting Your Light Shine.

 I was posed with a question this week, several questions actually. Things that made me really think. I have been working with a life coach to become a better leader and supervisor at work. I personally believe it is helping as I saw changes in me when I spent the day in one of our outreach offices with some of our staff yesterday. It is not only changing me as a leader though, it is changing me as a person. Through this process, I am learning to peel the onion so to speak. I am learning that there are things I can delegate to other people, and there are things I need to pay more attention to than I have been. I honestly walk away from each session knowing I have learned more about myself than I thought I could. 

This month, I was gently reminded that this very blog is one of the ways I let my light shine for Jesus. My coach asked me this week about my faith. I told her I was one of those babies that the first place I ever went in public was to church. I told about the trials we had growing up, from my dad dying to my mom being in the hospital and everything that happened after that and the one very huge constant was my church family. I can't imagine how people live without faith, I confessed Jesus as my Savior when I was 13 but I don't ever remember a time I didn't know I was His. And I really can't imagine how people live without the support I have had all my life from my church family. I will admit there have been times in my life I have taken my faith for granted and times when I am sure God is shaking His head in dismay at my decisions because I have made them knowingly against His will. There is a saying on a radio station that I listen to, something to the effect of, "If God is feeling far away, it wasn't Him who moved." Been there, done that, can probably share the heartache it brought. Anyway, I needed reminded that God gave me this gift, of writing, and of technology, and I am supposed to be using it. So, hopefully, here is to a more regular blog life. 

Okay, Letting Your Light Shine, check.

So, the main question I was posed with, and the one that was my homework assignment for next month is, "What do you want to do that you haven't done?" I have to tell you, I sat there a little dumbfounded. I didn't have an immediate answer. I know some people would say immediately that they would want to travel, some would say they would go back to school, some would say build a new house. It was one of those moments when I realized, I've pretty well done everything I want to do, or am doing it. I have had "seeing Wicked on Broadway" as my big bucket list item forever, that was originally going to happen in December, but now we are looking at next August as I am scheduled to be in NY for a conference.

We talked about my marketing job with TEAM ITS. I have done things with it that I never thought I would. I never thought I would create billboards that thousands of people would see each day. I never thought I would be on the radio on a regular basis, discussing IT stuff. I never thought I would build websites for companies, or manage multiple facebook pages, but here I am, killing it, lol. Sorry, that phrase from shirts just popped in my head and I couldn't resist. The thing is, it is fun. 
And I love what I am doing there.

Flip the coin to my ERBA job. I am exactly where I want to be there. Several years ago, long before our last Executive Director left, I pondered if that was something I would be interested in. My answer was a pretty quick no. For one thing, the perfect person for that job wanted that job (and thankfully has it). I knew she was the one that would move us forward. I knew I was the one who could move our Energy Assistance programs forward, and I knew those programs; their development, administration and growth was where I could best serve the agency and our customers. I said yes, I was sure there were probably jobs out there that I could reach for that would be a higher position, but I cannot imagine being more effective anyplace than right where I am. 

So, an answer I finally said, was, I have always wanted to lose weight. I knew that wasn't where I was supposed to be going and I was asked to really think about the question and consider if there was a hobby I had always wanted to learn, or something I wanted to learn more about and I am still pondering that but I keep coming back to the only thing in my life that isn't where I want it to be is my weight. I don't understand why I have the willpower to do everything I have ever wanted to do in life except that, but there it is.

That evening, I had a chance to meet Andrew for dinner, While we were discussing our day, I asked him, "What is something I have always wanted to do, but haven't?" His immediate response? Jump out of an airplane. Oh yeah, I do want to do that, maybe not as much as I used to but I would still like to do it. We had it planned with a group of friends one time, it got postponed and by the time we started talking about it again, I was 4 months pregnant. I also want to zipline too, that is one that I really had put in the back of my mind too. Why? Because I would not want to do either one of those things being the size I am right now. UGH, back to my weight. 

Part of last month's assignment was to figure out areas in my life that was important to me. One of the things I wrote down was "Adventures", Teresa, my life coach pointed out that there is usually a fine line between risk and adventure. Yes, there is, and I stay on the adventure side of things right now, though I'm not afraid to try new things, I am very careful not to decide I need to try something new right now that might give me a broken leg--and I just realized that isn't the truth, I am very careful not to decide I need to try something new right now that might make me look like a beached whale if I fail. There, said it. Truth.

So, this has come to the surface mainly while I am writing this. I have GOT to make my new hobby ME.  In those areas of life I was supposed to write down, I had Health as one of them, but I knew, and admitted, that bucket wasn't as big as my other buckets and I am sitting here right now realizing it has got to be. This is standing in my way. 

Tying this back to my faith, I have admitted before, I am not good at asking God to help me. I would rather be praying intercession for others but I know we need to get this fixed. I know my mom prays for me to get it together daily. I know she is afraid I will die before she does. 

I will tell you, I have tried, and I go to the gym on a very regular basis, but I get discouraged before I get far enough along to have any lasting results. So, I am putting myself in God's hands. I am not starting a diet, I am taking control of my health and asking Him to take control of me. I have had a prayer for a long time that I say when I am going into meetings that could be heated. I ask God to keep His arm around my shoulder and His hand across my mouth. Now I am asking him to keep His hand across my mouth for another reason.

So, if you are feeling my pain in your life too, I'm going to give you some verses to get you through. I'm probably going to write these on cards and put them some places I need them. The fridge, my computer monitor, my billfold (for when I decide to go grab a burger instead of eat the salad I brought).

Of course, first and foremost:

PHILIPPIANS 4:13

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

then

1 CORINTHIANS 10:31

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

and just one more for this week, we may have more in the future.

1 CORINTHIANS 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

My life coach, Teresa McCloy, (https://www.therealifeprocess.com/) had stated we would delve deeper into why I sabotage myself with this at my next session and I am looking forward to that. But I believe I am starting  this today. This was honestly one of those Saturday mornings that I sat down to write a nice little blog and God took me in a different direction as I typed. This is very much a "He wrote this to me" thing. And if someone else out there benefits, wonderful. And I might mention, yes, mine is my weight, but this could be for anything standing in the way of you being 100% who you want to be. Take it from there, and ask God to step in the middle of it. Let's see where it takes us.

It wouldn't be my blog without a song. Matthew West's Strong Enough has been running through my brain all through this, hopefully it runs through my brain a lot as I start this next adventure.

Until next week......

A Lamp unto My Feet

 Good Morning!

    I have been gently coaxed into getting a blog post done so here I am. It isn't that I don't have great ideas for blogs, it is that I just haven't taken the time to do it. I get to thinking it's not that big of a deal and that nobody really reads it anyway. And then I thought, Oh my goodness, what if God thought that way about us when he inspired the writing of the Bible. Let's face it, He knew there would be many houses that doesn't even have one in it, many houses that it is sat on the coffee table to gather dust and many houses that it gets put someplace between Sundays. But He also knew there would be those that it was the first thing they laid their hands on every morning, the last thing they touched before going to sleep and the item they turned to when their world was crumbling. Ironically, my first instinct was to say, "it was for those people that He kept writing". But I believe that is a wrong assumption. I believe He really did write it for every one of us, no matter where we are in our journey. 

Growing up in a Christian household, I guess there was never a time I have lived in a house without a Bible in it. I have however lived in a house where it has sat in one place for many weeks and even those times that it was only moved to take it to church. This house was not where my mom lived, lol, but where I have lived in the past as an adult. My mom has been one of those first thing in the morning, last thing before going to sleep people, I go through phases, just being honest here. Nowadays, because of the internet and modern technology, you can get your hands, or ears, on a Bible anytime you want. I most often listen to a devotional of a morning when I am on my way to the gym. I leave while everyone else is asleep, so that is my first interaction of the day. Our Daily Bread has an audible version so you can listen, hear scripture, and pray. I normally have my morning prayers after my devotional and then I am set to face the day. The days that I don't go to the gym though, sometimes I end up going the whole day without having my God time. I have realized I can tell it. Not only in the way I treat others but the way I handle my own emotions and security. I find that when I haven't started my day with God, I am much more insecure in what I am doing and what I can do. 

So why do I do that to myself when I know how big of a difference it makes? I don't know. I am going to tell you, my personal opinion is you can't truly know what God is wanting you to do unless you are in His word. I have heard the Bible given as an acronym, Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth. I whole heartedly believe that God speak to me, not JUST through the Bible, but in my thoughts. I feel I have to have the right framing in place to know that it is Him and not the devil. I compare this to a classroom, where you are given instruction by a teacher who understands the subject matter. When we open our Bibles, we are walking into the classroom, we are getting in the right mindset to really be open to what God has to say to us. I feel more secure about the thoughts that come into my head being from God when I have had my devotional, listened to scripture and prayed. Those early morning drives, I am usually about 10 miles out when I am finished with those things, those last 10 miles, I try to just Be Still and Know that He is God. I have a lot of moments of clarity during that time. I had one week that everyday during my quiet time, God convicted me of the same thing, every day. Something I had let slip into being a priority in my life that I knew shouldn't be there. I was convicted, I was sure He was the one speaking to me and I knew he was going to keep saying the same thing daily until I changed what I was doing. So I did. And I have drawn closer to Him because of it. I am just going to tell you, anytime you let something get between you and God, it is a problem, and that was what I was doing. I was putting more importance on dealing with something in my life than nurturing my relationship with Him. He kept telling me to drop it, to just let it go, and when I finally did, I felt Him wrap his arms around me and comfort me. As He knew it wouldn't be easy, but it would be right. 

Psalm 119:105 Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. 

Psalm 46:10a Be still and know that I am God.

These are your takeaways for today. I am encouraging you to try this week to find a bit of time to open the word of God, step into the classroom before you decide you can hear what the teacher is telling you.

As I said, Our Daily Bread has a great daily, quick devotional, there are several out there, I even get an email each day with a quick devotional in it for working women. If you want to find a way to get into His word, it really is easy.

So every time I say Psalm 119:105, this Amy Grant song pops in my head.

Enjoy and have a great week, and may you grow a bit closer to Him this week. :-)

Confessions of a NON-Workaholic

 Good Saturday morning!

        Hope everyone has had a wonderful week. I have, except for the slight (understatement of the year) overexposure to the sun yesterday at a golf outing. I have been on vacation a little. Most people know I work two jobs. I have my absolute passion job for ERBA, I do it because I love it deep down to my toes and I feel it is what God put me on earth to do. I also work for TEAM ITS, which is my fun job. I do the marketing and digital media services and it reminds me so much of the days of scrapbooking and creating fun events for Robert and his friends growing up. I took this week off from ERBA -okay, I took Tuesday, Thursday (except for a trip to the Newton office) and Friday off from ERBA so I could get ready for yesterday's activities, the Effingham Chamber Golf Outing. We were sponsoring the first hole so I got to greet everyone and tell them about us before they started getting upset with their golf swing. It was a good time visiting with people. When I said I was the marketing manager, one guy says, "So you are responsible for the billboards I see all over town?" Well yes, I am, I love that I have created billboards. That was not even on my bucket list, But you can see how stuff like that falls into a similarity with scrapbooking, and for that matter, layout and design through being on the high school yearbook staff didn't hurt either. 

    What a lot of people don't know is I also co-own a small business that does marketing materials for small businesses. I don't advertise this a lot because it seems like I am always behind on this. When I get caught up, I will probably market it. 

    And THEN, I sell Tupperware AND Farmasi, again these are things that are in the works. The main reason I sell both of them is because I believe in them and I use them a lot but I plan to progress very shortly into having my facebook pages set up for both. 

  I am having the time of my life. I love everything about my life, I love the fact that I am part of the Jasper County Tourism Council, that I sit on the Advisory Board for both Eastern and Lakeland in the IT field and that I am very involved with my church.

And then people label me a workaholic and I cringe. I once read an article very unbecoming to those of us who don't like to sit still. It was from a Christian perspective and was basically putting a person considered a workaholic down.  I couldn't remember the name of the article so I just googled Is Being a Workaholic a Sin. And what do I come up with? "The Most Respectable Sin in the Christian Community" and Workaholism is a sin that must be stomped on" Ugh.

BUT, I decided to read a couple of these articles and I realized, happily, I am NOT a workaholic! (This is when I change the title of today's blog, lol)

According to these articles a workaholic is someone who has over 4 of these traits:

1. You think of how you can free up more time to work.

2. You spend much more time working than initially intended.

3. You work in order to reduce feelings of guilt, anxiety, helplessness, and depression.

4. You have been told by others to cut down on work without listening to them.

5. You become stressed if you are prohibited from working.

6. You deprioritize hobbies, leisure activities, and exercise because of your work.

7. You work so much that it has negatively influenced your health.

So, I learned the difference. There is only ONE of these that pertains to me, TWO once in a while if I have a deadline at ERBA or TEAM ITS, but that is definitely not an all the time thing. The one I have is being told by others to cut down on work without listening to them. 

As far as deprioritizing hobbies, some of my work IS hobbies, I still have time for my friends- spent all day with two of them last Saturday, meeting two for lunch today, and anybody who knows me knows they can find me at the gym at 5:30 most weekday mornings. I start every morning out with a devotional and prayer and spending time with God and I realized THAT is what powers me. HE is who made me this way and yes, that article I read a long time ago said there are no rewards from God for being busy, I have finally realized I don't believe that. 

I have a friend who is constantly saying "Everything in moderation" and he is right. I realized this morning that I don't place so much value on work that I forget to thank the One who lets me have this life. I thank God EVERY morning for the things He lets me do. 

So, I guess I will go back to the beginning and cringing at being called a workaholic and say, yes, I believe if someone lets work takeover every aspect of their life, including taking them away from God, their family and their friends, that is a workaholic, and yes, I will agree, that is a sin. 

The Bible has a lot of good things to say about hard work though,

Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters."

Proverbs 14:23 says, "All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty."

and of course,

Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me"

Which tells me, God handed me what I see as this incredible, challenging, exciting life and I love Him even more for that.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago about getting rest, God didn't rest on the 7th day of creation because He needed to, He rested to show us we needed to. Which brings me to the fact that God works harder and longer than all of us, He is ALWAYS working. 

In the one thing leads to another way, this reminded me of the song Waymaker. So, that is what I am leaving you with.

Have a great week!

That Proverbs 31 Woman

 So, it is that time of year again. The day all of us compare ourselves to the 21 verses in the Bible that tells how to be the perfect wife and mother. I have spent many years reading that passage and looking at how short I fall. And for some reason, God finally pointed out a couple of things to me. And I want to pass them on. 

So, just as a refresher here is Proverbs 31:10-31

A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I was probably around 5 the first time I heard these words that they really sunk in. I am sure it was either a Mother-Daughter banquet or Mother's Day. I listened to the words and thought with pride, this is MY mom. She always had food on the table, and honestly, she made most of our clothes, I remember anytime decisions were being made about purchases at our house, Mom and Dad sitting in the living room making those decisions together. Our house was always spotless, she was always there for everything at school, and I watched as she took care of her own mom, and even our extended family; when someone needed a gap filled she was there. 

As I become a young wife and mother though, comparing myself to Proverbs 31, I felt like I always fell short. I couldn't seem to keep it all done, and I would get tired. When Robert was a baby, we lived 13 hours away from my mom, and Andrew worked between 70 and 80 hours a week. I was bound and determined to do everything right, down to cloth diapers because they were better. I made homemade baby food because it was healthier, I made a lot of his clothes, mainly because Proverbs 31 said I should.  I decorated whatever apartment we were living in and cleaned it constantly, And I hated the Proverbs 31 woman. 

So here we are, 25 plus years later, and I have revisited her. Tearing it apart piece by piece, I realize if we are judging a lifetime instead of a moment, I think I'm okay. There have been days I am sure Andrew was not happy with me, I think we have all been there. but for the most part, I think he would tell anyone that he does have confidence in me and most days he feels his life is better because I'm in it. I also can say my family has not ever had to run around naked, so they were clothed, nobody has ever had to go without food either. There are days, and more so in the last few years than when Robert was too young to fend for himself that I would say, "there is peanut butter in the cabinet" if I was in the middle of something and someone thought they would die of starvation, but the point is, there was still food for them. 

And then, this is one of those things that I JUST NOTICED THIS YEAR. She provided food for her servants. WHAT???? You mean all these years, we thought we had to be Superwoman because of Proverbs 31 and SHE HAD HELP??????? Yeah, I don't know why that never hit me until this year. 

How much easier would it have been to live up to all of this if you actually had several (notice is says more than one) people to help you. Ironically a friend mentioned this week on facebook about these celebrities that think childrearing is so daunting, they had lots of people helping them. Well congratulations because I would nearly place money on the fact that if you were reading this, you didn't have a staff of servants at your beck and call. And right here right now, if you are where I am, I imagine you can look back and see that in that big picture, your kids survived, and probably think you are pretty great now that you got them through the eye rolling years. If you are one of my younger friends who are still raising littles, or not even started there yet, please don't let one day define you. Those sayings that in a hundred years it doesn't matter what your house looked like, but it will matter that you made a difference in the life of a child, so true. Just sayin'. I know there were times Robert and I was doing something and the house was less than spotless, but I can't pinpoint a single one. I know he can tell you of the things we did together though, and that is what is important. 

As women, we also run into people who judge us for our choices on whether or not to be a stay-at-home mom, or if we work outside the home. I think Proverbs 31 shows pretty easily that we can do either of these things. When Robert was little, we lived out east and didn't know anyone. Until we moved, I had every intent to keep working and have Robert in daycare. As it turned out, I didn't want to leave him with strangers, so I quit my job a month before he was born as we headed to Pennsylvania. That was the perfect choice for ME and for him at that time. We moved back to Olney and he started school. I realized everyone had more of a life than I did, so I went in search of a job. That job has turned into my career and I really believe God had every intent of me doing this and doing it well as much as he did on me being a good wife and mother. 

That brings me to the most important line in this whole passage. In verse 30 it says a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. THAT my friends is the point. Fear the Lord, listen to him and He will make you the wife, the mother, the woman He wants you to be. I've missed that all these years. The rest will fall into place if you love the Lord. 

So, go back, read that passage again and place the emphasis where it belongs, Love the Lord. He will take care of you and help you through those eye rolling years, and mold you into who HE wants YOU to be.

Happy Mother's Day.

I'm leaving you with a short film we showed at our Mother Daughter banquet last night. Get out the tissues and enjoy. Funny enough, Robert was one of the servers last night for us. So he saw it. He tells me his allergies really acted up during this. Mine did too.

Rest

 Good morning!

        So, the blog is on autopilot a little this morning. I haven't been back long enough to feel comfortable just taking a day totally off but my shingle says I am enjoying the Spoon River Drive with some great friends today, so I am giving a quick devotional on remembering to take downtime. It seems like this past year, all the things that I considered downtime has been scarce. Perfect example, we normally go to Spoon River in October, and we couldn't. I will guarantee you, I worked that day instead of taking some down time. 

    I always love thinking about the fact that God created our whole world in six days and what did he do the seventh? He rested. Have you ever really thought about that? God is perfect. Does He really get tired? I don't think so. I think He rested the 7th day to show us that WE need that rest. 

So, I want to just quickly remind you that rest isn't a suggestion from God, it is a commandment. "Six days you shall do your work, but on the seventh day you shall rest; that your ox and your donkey may have rest, and the son of your servant woman, and the alien, may be refreshed". Ex 23:12. God built us in a day off, I will admit, I am not good at taking down time, but I do remember to take a little time away from the stress of work and get some away time that I can breath. 

So, this is short, I hope you are finding your own down time this weekend, and while you do, maybe tell God thank you for building that into our lives. If you are going 90 miles an hour, I am going to suggest, from someone who has been there, done that, and goes 90 miles per hour all the time. You can get more done through the week if you find that downtime sometime every few days. 

So, REST, it really is an order, "-) 

I'm leaving you with, appropriately, Kari Jobe's Rest.

Choosing Your Hard

 I saw a meme this week on facebook that kinda stopped me in my tracks. It's amazing to me that I am 53 years old and something that I have battled with my entire life can give me an ah-ha moment. This did though and so get ready for an old fashioned, typical Louder than the Voices devotional.

So, yes, all of these are true, but anyone who knows me knows that I have struggled all my life with obesity, so that one is the one that stopped me dead in my tracks. Being fit is hard. Going to the gym, making your body move each day, keeping things flexible, and strong, that isn't easy. My best workout time is 5:00 in the morning. In a perfect world, I would go to the gym at 5 and be there until 6:30, and that is exactly what I did pre-COVID. Now, our gym officially opens at 6 and for me to get to work on time, I have to be out of there at 6:30. Fortunately, a couple of the workers know there are a bunch of us that way and so they are there at 5:30, it is a compromise, but I long for the day, I can be there at 5. My days I go to the gym are always my best days. I start out doing something to keep me healthy. It sets the tone for selfcare the rest of the day. I have been going for well over two years now. Bad thing is, I haven't lost the weight I wanted but I am healthier and I know it. The first few months I was going, I was on enough drugs that kept weight from coming off, I knew I was fighting an uphill battle, but still I went. 

Amazingly as many of you know, those drugs I was told I would be on the rest of my life, I no longer take, at all. The gym is part of the combination of lifestyle changes I made to make that happen. Still, no matter how good it makes me feel, physically and emotionally, I struggle to get myself there. I have realized on these days, I am choosing the hard of obesity over the hard of being fit. 

I guess I never really realized how hard being obese is, but it is. Physically, I hate looking in the mirror, I absolutely love clothes, and I love getting new clothes but I hate looking in the mirror with them on. I hate the fact that a friend of mine talked about going ziplining this week and I can't just decide to go ziplining, I have to see what the weight limits are. I hate the fact that whenever something like COVID hits they tell you it is more likely to affect you worse if you are obese. Being obese is hard, but so many times, I choose it over being fit. 

And then there is the guilt. The Bible points out some things that most of us that seem to have a tendency to beat up on ourselves can take and run with and add unrepentant sinner to the list of things we call ourselves. Anything we do that is not taking care of the temple our souls live in is going against what God planned for us. 1 Corinthians 6:19, KJV: "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?" and Philippians 3:19 - Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things. I read a devotional on this that tried to smooth over this by saying God made us all shapes and sizes, and yes, I know, some of us have more hips than others no matter how little or big we are, but lets face facts, 99% of us was born in a little window of being less than 3lbs apart in size. I will be the first to admit, I wasn't fat until it started becoming my choice of how much I ate, I wasn't fat before I started school and got away from my moms watchful eye. As much as I want to say, "God made me this way", I know it was me that determined my width.

I know some people have a harder time losing and keeping weight off, I know this first hand. Even when I am really trying, the weight doesn't come off as easily as I think it should. I don't know why my body is like this, I know I am not the only one. Andrew can decide he needs to lose 10 lbs and just like that it is gone, I decide to lose 10 and I will lose 3 and over night, gain 2. When I am not concentrating on eating right, I can cause a fiasco and sabotage all my work in a matter of days, which takes me right back to the dread and guilt.

Since the beginning of the year, I have done really well, except for the last month. I have let deadlines at work, stress, and life get in the way of my weight loss goals, and for the first time this week since seeing this meme, I realized I wasn't letting it get in the path of my weight loss goals, I was allowing it to get in the path of being the best me. 

So today it is time for some redirection. I am going to remind myself each morning that being obese is hard, not easy. Yes, grabbing that double quarter pounder and fries is easy when you are in a dead run, but is it really easier than grabbing a salad? Or just a grilled chicken sandwich and forget the fries? The way I feel about me when I go to the gym of a morning makes my day easier, I need to focus on that. 

I need to change the voice in my head that tells me what is easy. It is wrong. 

So, today, as always, I am leaving you with a song. This is one of my favorites even though it is a secular song, you all know I listen to a lot of different genres. Just like everything else, there is good and bad in all areas. I think this song is one of the best inspirational songs out there, and today, I needed it. I don't want you to think I am talking out of both sides of my mouth with this song. Colbie Caillat is singing that you don't have to try so hard to please other people, to make them like you but that the point is, do YOU like YOU? My answer most of the time is no. And the major reason I don't is because of me choosing the wrong hard. That line "when you look into the mirror, do you like you?" That's the one that I need to change.

I need to constantly remind myself that I like me enough to chose the hard that will make me better longer and make that mirror thing easier to do.

Even, Though, It's. Hard.

Wondering About the Whys

 Good morning! I made it! A couple hours later than I planned, but still...The cat was snuggly this morning, so I think he was telling me I needed that extra sleep, lol.

This week has been a good week at our house, my mom hasn't been in the wheelchair since Monday, and is weaning very quickly from her braces for both her arm and leg. I think she is doing great. We start therapy Monday. My father-in-law had a scare last weekend that would have just seemed like too much to handle since we lost my brother-in-law on Easter. Fortunately, from the time he left the little ER in the town they live in  to the time he got to the actual hospital, the diagnosis changed drastically. We had called our church's prayer chain. I have no doubt but what God moved a mountain because his people prayed. I have gotten a lot accomplished and so have the guys, good week in a nutshell. One of those that you just kinda live through and don't really realize how thankful you should be. Robert had a pinched nerve for a few days so he was going through an incredible backache but it came loose in the middle of the night, or better description, God loosened it in the middle of the night.

At the same time that our life was pretty calm for a change, I have friends going through horrific storms. I always feel so helpless when this happens and of course my first question is Why, God? We all know all the answers to this, it rains on the just and the unjust, God's ways are perfect, and we know he sees the bigger picture. Even though we know all these things, it doesn't make it easy and I think most people are like me, and wonder what I am doing wrong that God puts me through this trial.  I have had times this week that one of my friends reach out in distress and I literally hit my knees, begging God to change things. And deep down inside, I know He will. The hard part is, He will do it in His time, not mine. 

And then we have the fact that God sometimes says no and it isn't a "maybe later, grow some more" it is a hard no. There are things in life that I have always wondered how God works out. Have you ever thought about just how complex God's job is? When two people, or maybe more, are praying for the same thing, such as a job offer, more than likely, one person is going to get a yes, and the others no. Being part of a team that hires people, I feel bad when someone calls back, or reaches out multiple times after a job interview. We know they want the job, we know they feel they are the right person for the job; yet, we don't feel they are. You could spend days contemplating the intricacies of God's thoughts. If He thought this person was right for the job, would He work on us as the hiring managers? I think that is yes because I prayfully consider our candidates, but then we have hired people that turn out to not be the right person at all and we have hired people that we wondered if they could really handle the job we gave them and they not only handled it, they knocked it out of the park and moved up in the agency.  

We had a lot of times when I was growing up that we would pray and we would watch God move. There were nights we prayed that my dad would live through the night when we were told he wouldn't, and he did. Same with a friend of mine, we were told if she did live, she would have major brain issues and have to have therapy, and may never be the same and the next day, she was back to her normal self. Tons of prayers went up. But I have also watched a wreck shatter the hopes and dreams of a beautiful boy that had a personality I could only imagine was a lot like my Robert has now. That one of a really good guy, with a great personality. He now spends his life in a wheelchair with a traumatic brain injury, and I have to ask why. And I get told, I'm not God, and He is the only one that really knows why. 

My first hard no was when one of the boys I grew up next to was in the hospital for, if I remember right a gallbladder surgery, it was something very routine and should have been an in and out. We were on our way to the State Fair and got a call that a blood clot had formed and caused him to have a heart attack and they were working on him. We stopped the car and we sat and prayed. We were still sitting there praying when Mom called back and said he was gone. And I, to this day, can't even type this without tears welling and it running though my head, why? Why was it such a hard no? And unlike the job scenario, there were tons of people praying for the same outcome for the same person, we all wanted the same thing, and God said no. I am still a little upset with Him over that, and that is okay. We are human. I know I don't want to be bitter with God about it, but I think it is okay to say I don't understand and I don't like it. At the same time, I do know I have to trust in God. He is good, all the time. I prayed a lot for peace after that. And I found it.

Trust and peace have to go hand in hand, peace is the outcome of trust.  We have to learn this. 

Romans 15:13    May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

And there is our answer, one verse, 31 words. May God fill us with joy and peace AS we TRUST in Him. and the output is that we will overflow with hope.  I love this verse and remind myself, the more I trust, the more joy, peace and hope I have, and when you have it, you can pass it on. 

And that, my friend is what we are here for.

 When I was growing up, there was a book always handy at our house, it was called, "Let Go, and Let God". So, so hard to do, but it is the secret to finding that peace. I am always handing things to God and then taking them back. I can just hear him saying, "Seriously? You don't think I can handle this?" and then I hear him saying, "You think you can take care of this better than I can? Really?" So I am learning to put it at the feet of Jesus and leave it there. I remember times in our junior high AWANA class I would sit a bowl of chips in the center of the room and tell them all not to touch it. LEAVE. IT. THERE.

And that, my friend is what we are here for. 

I could go on, but I just got to the point, and will just leave this here for you to ponder. 

This song has been on my mind a lot this week, we are going to sing it tomorrow morning for Worship service. It goes perfectly with what I have been saying.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow the hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Mindy

Hello Strangers!

It's me again, hopefully I am back.  Yes, it has been a long time. I look back at this last year and I am a little disappointed in myself for not taking the time to post. I would think about  it, know what I wanted to say and then just not get it done. I always have this theory that no matter how busy life gets, we take the time for the things we really want to do and yet I didn't write. I miss my Saturday morning coffee and blogging, so here I am. So, I was looking back at where I derailed myself and was trying to figure out what happened. 

Have you ever forgotten who you are? I was hypnotized at a banquet a couple years ago and for the life of me I couldn't tell you my name. A simple word brought it all back pretty quickly and I even remembered not being able to remember my name. As we grow through life, I think it is easy to lose track of who we are. Don't get me wrong, I pretty well love my life, in all its craziness but there are times I need to focus on who I am versus who I want to be. I think we probably all go through this. 

A couple of months ago, our preacher started preaching revival messages, and he basically is still going. The first week he did this, my mom had been in a hospital in Terre Haute, about an hour away from my house for a week. I was trying to make it to see her at least every other day, juggling my jobs, and keeping everything going at work and home. As I was sitting in the pew that morning, I realized that I had let my relationship with Jesus kind of be on autopilot. Pastor Tim had an illustration that shocked all of us so much you could have heard a pin drop. He spit a big drink of water across the front of the church, and he was right, God was probably wanting to do that with me.  I have my habits, and I still had them, I go to the gym at least 5 mornings a week, on my way to the gym, I listen to a daily devotional and have prayer time, so I was thinking, me and God, we're fine. We all have friendships that we take for granted. You just know those friends are going to be there, kinda like you know when you open your drawers, you are gonna find your clothes. Just because we know they are there, doesn't mean we should assume they always will be. Now yes, Jesus, He will always be there but taking that for granted still isn't the best thing for me or anyone else. I know He never moves, but the more I take that relationship or granted, the more I catch myself moving away from Him. I woke up out of my fog that day, looking back at my blog posts, I think I have been in the fog a couple of years.

I know I got busier than ever. I started doing some accounting work for some friends, and then another friend and I started a business together. I still of course, have my career that is my calling at ERBA, and my fun job at TEAM ITS, so when you look at the pieces of the pie, it seems understandable that I let some things like this blog slide. But I started losing that me I want to be. I am one of those people that get things done, give me a deadline and I will make it. This last week I had two major ones at work, both due Friday. One was done Wednesday, the other Thursday, 8:00 Thursday night, but it was done. I am a people pleaser, which the more people you let in that inner circle, the harder people pleasing becomes, I always love a good challenge though. 

So, I have started coming back to the place I belong and it feels really good. Jesus and I are getting that close relationship back, I picture in my head that for the last couple years, we have been at that, "I really had a nice visit on the phone today" friendship to, "hey, that room at my house that is for you, come stay here." and of course, He said, "Gladly". 

Matthew 6:33 (NIV) says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." 

I have known this my entire life, which is why to many people in my life, I wasn't slipping away from Jesus, I was just in my comfort zone, which, I had to laugh as I wrote this, "comfort zone" isn't really my normal spot. Life is an adventure, comfortable can be a little boring to me. Lol. 

So, if you are in that comfort zone this morning, I hope this gives you a little nudge to find your way back to the you that YOU want to be. I know life is smoother when Jesus is in the center of it, not just hanging around. 

On a little tangent from that, people who know me, know music is a major factor in my life. I love many different genres and if I am awake, there is usually some music going on somewhere. We decided recently to start adding a little contemporary music in our worship service. This brought me from listening to it a little each week to listening to it a lot. 

Sorry this is getting long, but I need to back up. I mentioned my mom was in the hospital. She fell on January 29th, outside, in the snow and broke both her right arm and right leg. She is 81. The first thing that the doctors talked about was sending her to a nursing home. That was so not okay with me or her either one. She was in the hospital 23 days and came home to my house. When she first got here, we had a hard time getting her from the bed to the wheelchair. As I am typing this, I am hearing her walking around upstairs with her walker. We have come a long way. When she first came home with me, I was bound and determined it was time for her to stay here. She is content here but I know she misses her house and I have realized in the last few weeks that me being the best daughter I can to her is finding it in me to be secure enough to be happy when she can go back to her house. That's not easy. 

Annyywway, Matthew West wrote a song a little over a year ago called Truth Be Told. I loved it when I heard it but the last month it has been my theme song. It's not that I really feel broken, but I have realized it is tiring trying to be that perfect Christian, or as Matthew West said in an interview about the song, a professional Christian. That part of the song that says, "I say its under control, but its out of control and You know it". THAT is where I have been. I am an awesome faker, and I don't really mean to be, but I have noticed in the last few weeks, that I am. God has a lot to do with me pulling things off that I am not sure how I do, but I do and I know it is His Grace that is doing the work, and I don't want to forget that.

So, this has carried on long enough for one week. I am leaving you, as always, with a song. You probably already know which one. 

Until Next Saturday (hopefully EARLIER next Saturday!)

~Mindy