The Specifics

Saturday morning, I shared this post on facebook:

 

I don't think I have ever received the amount of text messages, and PM's as I did about this post.

 

So, with the whole theme of this blog being about those voices of "I can't" and "I'm not good enough", I decided to start sharing my journey here, and of course, the diet I am on.

 

As I said, I went to the doctor on May 9th. I have several good friends who have had the gastric sleeve and are doing very well. I found several articles regarding gastric sleeve and UC, and had decided I wanted to talk to him about it. In the past, he has always mentioned my lack of a good immune system as the number one reason not to have any invasive treatments done. I had even been advised not to have a tattoo. However, I also know I am the only one who wasn't sick at all this last winter. I take lots of Vitamin C, and am religious about washing my hands, not touching strangers any more than I have to and making sure I don't put my hands near my face until I have washed them or used sanitizer if I have had to shake hands, etc. I also had my eyes tattooed in April, without one bit of problem. I didn't feel the immune argument was a good one.

 

 

I have this really great life, I love my job, my family, my friends and even where I am at in life. The only thing I don't like is to look at myself. I have to admit, and I cannot be the only one out there who feels this way, I do not look the way I feel.

 

Seriously, Everyone says, "you'll feel so much better when you get that weight off", and I will admit, I can feel it when I lose weight but I have never once felt like I was carrying around all these extra 5 lb bags of sugar stacked up in some wagon. I feel like I should be the size I was in high school-honest.

 

It's when it is time to look at me that I don't like. I have some sort of warped sense about what I look like as well, because when I look in the mirror, I do not see the same size I see in pictures, and the absolute worst, I don't see the 10-12 chins that I see in pictures. And when I look at pictures, I assume what is in the picture is the me everyone else sees, and I don't like it, not at all.

 

And please don't preach to me about how I should love my body, no matter the shape. The ones I am writing this blog for are the ones that are in the exact same boat as me, and get it.  Believe me, I don't think anybody should be shamed into being a stick figure, but when you look at the x-rays of where your organs are on a fat person, compared to someone in a better weight range, or hear the doctor say, "your blood pressure isn't real bad for someone of your size" and you know that the more weight there is, the harder your organs all have to work;  it is not healthy to be the size I am. Period.

 

When I first called Dr. Peterson about the surgery, one of his nurses told me if I really wanted to do this, I probably needed to find a different GI. I hated this because he has done so much for me, but he wanted to see me. I pretty well knew he was going to want me to try a different diet. after talking a while, he said if I really wanted the surgery, he would help me anyway he could but he would like for me to go through Springfield Clinic so he could keep an eye on me. I had already decided the same thing. He then asked me to give him 6 months of really trying this.

 

He proceeded to write on his business card:

 

So it says:

1. No Wheat/ No Dairy

 

2.No White Potato/ No corn

 

3. No Rice or Pasta

 

4. Protein every meal

 

5. Vegetable 3-10 cups a day

 

6. Fruit- 2/ day (see Granny Smith Apple and Berries)

 

 

Eat during 8 hours, Fast 16 hours.

 

 

While he was writing, he told me no beans. Use Avocado as a healthy fat, as well as coconut oil, don't go overboard on fat. 3-6 oz. of protein each meal, use eggs as a substitute for meat.

 

 

Do not eat anything processed, which in his eyes is anything that has over 5 ingredients on the label. (I cheat with condiments on this, but that is about all-- and limit it then)

 

 

Exercise, aerobics and weights at least 4-5 times a week.

 

 

During the 16 hours, I can drink unsweetened coffee, tea, and water. The only sweetener I am to use is Stevia. I can use small amounts of raw honey as a sweetener. All the lemon and lime I want.

 

He also gave me a website and a book, I plan on getting to both but am preparing to take the biggest test of my life in a little over a week, so if I study anything it has to do with that for now.

 

The website is https://lluniversity.com/ which looks to me, now that I have looked at it, that this diet might really have its own name.

 

 

The book he mentioned was The Sugar Code, which looks to be a textbook. And he also mentioned the Whole 30 book, It Starts with Food.

 

 

So, that is it for the first post. I have several things to share that I have learned this month. I made a "mock" potato salad that was so good, the guys even ate it. We made healthy Nutella the other night, let's just say AWESOME, and I learned that a little coconut oil with cinnamon mixed in is wonderful on a baked sweet potato.

 

 

As I mentioned earlier, I am taking my Certified Community Action Professional exam on the 20th. Once I get through that, I will probably have more news on my other finds, and recipes.

 

 

I hope this is helpful to my friends who asked.

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 



Girls Day Out

Hanging out the "gone fishin" sign one more time.

My week has not went as planned but I am heading to Chicago today to spend time with my two BFF's.

I will get back on the blogging track next week.

I hope everyone has a blessed Happy Easter!

A Very Special Guest

Happy Saturday!

My attempts to clear my plate didn't really go as planned, but God knew there was some reasons I needed a couple of weeks off, even if I didn't at the time. God is good, all the time.

So, I promised a special guest today, I am super excited about this!

A little over a week ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and noticed I had a message from Sami. Sami is the daughter of my cousin Anissa. You know that meme that goes around about cousins being your first friends? This is us. We have been friends since we were old enough to remember. Sami has always held a very special place in my heart too. I don't get to see her (or her mom) as often as I like, but when we are together, we always have a wonderful time.

Aaannyywwaayy....

Sami had sent me a message with a you tube video attached. She had done her first lesson for the kids at her church and offered to let me see it.

So, the next morning, this was my quiet time. and I was so blessed. I so love this kid and I couldn't help but think about how happy her Great-Grandmother would be.

Without further ado, I give you Sami's message on the Woman at the Well. I love how she captures the kids' attention. I love how she captured mine.




Sami turned 18 just a few weeks ago, I am so very proud of her. Her mom said she has been helping with the youth at their church for quite a while now. I am looking forward to seeing more from her in the future.

Thank you, Sami, for sharing with us!

A Little Reminder

I have so many friends who are going through things right now, big things, and I think it is just time for a little encouragement, and a little "let me remind you who you are" talk.

I have friends who are so close to finishing school, friends who are dealing with aging, ailing parents, and friends who are just going through some soul-searching, facing giant trials. We are having major changes effecting our own house as Robert's boss sold the business Robert has worked for since he got out of school. Monday, Robert starts working for a corporation instead of the only boss he has ever known, so scary stuff here too.



So, as I said, let me remind you who you are.



Let's start at the beginning,

Psalm 139:14 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

Before you ever took a breath on this earth, God had plans for you. Because of free will, you may have had times in your life, or even right now, that you aren't looking for that plan, but incredibly, God still has plans for you. I will tell you without a flinch, there have been times in my life that I may have been going through the motions of going to church but not really trying to figure out what God wanted for me. I am a strong believer that the devil has just as much presence on earth as God does, and that seriously, you either are doing the will of one of the other. I think those times when I was not looking for what God wanted for me, The devil was dancing a happy dance, because I was falling straight into his ways. 

Sidebar here, I am also a firm believer that once you are saved, you are saved, nobody can take that away from you if you have made a confession of salvation. I do also believe though that every day you can be an ineffective Christian, the devil is winning. He may never get your soul, but he can keep you from winning others to Christ, and for him that is a win.


Every person on this earth, God made and for a reason. Sometimes we get so hung up on our shortcomings and failures, that we seem to forget who our Father is.


When I was growing up, my house was my refuge away from the world. I would have a bad day at school, whether self-imposed because I was unprepared, or didn't do my best, or because of someone making fun of me because I was fat, or not good enough for some other reason. I always knew if  I could just make it home everything would be okay.


I have found out a friend of mine didn't have that refuge this week and it has really bothered and hurt me. Everyone needs that. Everyone needs a place to land. I am realizing just now that Robert may have had a couple friends growing up, that our house was that refuge instead of their own. I don't think it matters, as long as you have a place.


I have also found as I get older that Jesus can lead me to that place mentally, if I let Him-if I ask. It doesn't even have to be a physical building, but just a few minutes praying for peace, and amazing Grace. It changes me.  So, this is just a reminder that you always have a Father to come home to.


I also want to remind you that God has plans for you, we hear Jeremiah 29:11 all the time.  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  In this world of wanting instant gratification, we think, "okay, cool, God's got this, and my life is going to be unicorns and rainbows." Yes, God's got this BUT. Do you ever look at Jeremiah 29:10? 


Here:   This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place.


Jeremiah was speaking to the people who had been exiled into Babylon. They were not experiencing unicorns and rainbows. They were experiencing bad times after bad times.


And God said, When 70 years is up..... So, I am sharing this to prove that sometimes God's timing is not instant gratification, most of the time it is just not, period. We don't understand why we go through what we go through, but He does. Sometimes we may look back and have ah-ha moments, sometimes we may never.


Just wanting to remind you that there are days that aren't going to go how you want them to go.


There is another famous set of verses that I want to remind you of. Ecclesiastes 3:1-7.




There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

So, if you are going through a tough time right now, just remember who you are, and that we will get through it. We don't always understand why, but we know the Creator who knows the plan.

I am leaving you with James Taylor this morning, I know.....a little off my normal beaten path. I heard this song on my way home last night though. I have actually had this sent to me in a text message before and it made my day.

Sometimes, this is what I want to remind people the most. We always have a friend in Jesus but I think it is vitally important for us to mirror Him. I go back and forth between what I think my greatest accomplishments are. I have been to 2 funerals in the last 7 days and it makes me think a lot about what people will say about me when I am gone. I have had failures at work this week, so I imagine people saying I could have done better at that. I always think I could be a better money manager, time manager, organizer and I know I could always be a better friend, but out of all the things that I have going on, I think trying to be a good, true friend is at the top of my priority list. Some may not agree with me, but I think when I die, if people say, "She was a good friend", that would be my highest honor.

So..... Happy Saturday, hope everyone has a great week!

What Do You Want (again)

I first posted this back in January but forgot to link it to Facebook. So, I am reposting today.

To the whole 4 people who read it the first time, sorry, you have a repeat today.

ALSO, I am extremely humbled by the response to my post last week. over 1300 people read it. I hope it helped someone, or changed a situation. My normal weekly readership is less than 200 so I am in utter shock, but again, just praying it might have changed things for someone.
To those of you who shared it, thank you.  My blog doesn't make me any money or anything like that. I just do it is a service to my Lord and Savior.

(orig post 1-20-18)

 
Good morning everyone!

Happy Saturday!

My full intentions this morning was to post a little poem I learned about last week at our conference.

God said, no. So, I am what I feel like is pressed for time, but have to expound on this a little.

So, I am sitting in Houston last week, at the close of one of the best conferences I have been to in a long time, sitting with 4 of the best people I know, and thinking to myself, "Life is Good".

The last speaker of the conference was very motivational, and he shared this with us.

It was spring, but it was summer I wanted,
the warm days, and the great outdoors.
It was summer, but it was fall I wanted,
the colorful leaves, and the cool, dry air.
It was autumn, but it was winter I wanted,
the beautiful snow, and the joy of the holiday season.
I was a child, but it was adulthood I wanted,
the freedom, and the respect.
I was twenty, but it was thirty I wanted,
to be mature, and sophisticated.
I was middle-aged, but it was thirty I wanted,
the youth, and the free spirit.
I was retired, but it was middle-age that I wanted,
the presence of mind, without limitations.
My life was over,
but I never got what I wanted.

I found this very interesting and realized I have been in these times before, and realized right now, I really am not. I started to ask myself what changed. I have realized through a course of events in the last few months, I am what has changed. And I like it. And I believe it is because I have started listening to God's voice louder than other people's. I have things going on in my life right now that I don't understand and for a long time, I have tried to find the answer to the question, "why". I told this to one of my friends one day, and she said, "why does it matter?" And it was a good point.

The week before we left for Houston, I went to buy groceries, I walked out of the house I had wanted since I was in high school,  got into the car I had wanted for several years and took off down the road. I was thinking about the upcoming trip, and wondering what we would learn. I am so excited about the state of our agency right now, and am very honored to be a part of our growth. I love the fact that we make differences not only in individual's lives but the whole community. I have a great family, great friends, and most of all, a Mighty God. It dawned on me that day, I'm living that life I always wanted. I told this to the same friend I mentioned above, and she told me just don't get comfortable, and she is right. I don't ever want to take any of it for granted, it can change in a heartbeat. And if it does, I know God has a plan, but most of all, I know He's got me. And I am going to thank Him daily for what He is giving me right now.

I only have one verse to go along with this.

James 1:17

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

So, I am a strong believer that if you are not where you want to be, you and God need to start talking. I am not a "health and wealth" Christian, don't get me wrong. Bad things happen to good people, it's life, it is the result of a few thousand years of sin being in our world, but He's got this, and if you want to stop chasing what you want, and start living what you want, my advice is to start with Him.

Hope you all have a great week!

I am leaving you with Good, Good Father by Chris Tomlin. This song has been in my head as I have written this whole post. It is very fitting, and I am very thankful.

Let Me Tell You a Story

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time there was a little boy who had a mommy and daddy who loved him very much. He lived in a house with both his mommy and his daddy. When he started kindergarten, he went home and asked why mommy and daddy lived in the same house. This was one of the first things that he was made fun of for.  When he was about in third grade, and his mommy and daddy would take him places, he would go home and ask why kids would make fun of him for doing things with his parents- THIRD GRADE. He was not a big kid, and not very tall. by 5th grade, he became a punching bag for another boy on the bus ride home. His mom's first advice was to pray for the little boy that was hitting him. After being bruised up too many times, and the bus driver not seeing it happen-- (and consequently saying it didn't happen when the mom called the school) the mom says, "just once, hit him back". That may not have been the best advice to give, but she did. That ended up with the little boy having a black eye. He went back to praying for the other boy.

Also, when he was in fifth grade, the little boy was diagnosed with dyslexia. He had a learning disability. This apparently added more fodder for kids to make fun of. He spent a lot of time unhappy and even though he had a few good friends, he had many bullies, and his mom was truly scared. She never worried about what he would do to other people, but what he would do to himself. It made her angry.

His grades became worse, and right or wrong, the mom blamed the school's handling of his learning disability on that as well. It felt like to her they thought he was unteachable.

The highlight of this little boy's life was Wednesday nights, AWANA night. His mom took his 3 best friends and him to AWANA, where he also had two best friends who went to a different school. These two best friends were also at church most Sundays, so he got to see them then as well.

His mom loved seeing those bright days, but they would be mixed with days that truly made her think she needed to seek counseling for him, and she knew the root was how he was treated at school.

The opportunity came for the family to move, and they did. This was partially instigated by, yes, gasp here, the little boy and his two best friends from AWANA that went to another school-the school he would go to. It didn't hurt that this was also the mom's original hometown.

The first day at the new school, when the little boy walked in the gym, another boy who he had never seen before met him and introduced himself. He was a friend of the other two boys and had heard this new kid was coming.

Over the next couple of years, the boy began to thrive. But one day, he got upset with his special education teacher, who he really liked, but he wasn't happy with what she had said. He was in 7th grade by now. He went back to his classroom, and made the statement to another student, he would like to kill her. And you know what happened next? The other student told someone. And the little boy went to the principal's office, and the principal called his parents, and the parents went to school.  Things were discussed in great detail, and it was realized that he truly did not mean it, but understood the repercussions and had detention for a week. He was disciplined, but talked to about what was going on in his mind. The parents didn't yell at the principal, or the teacher, or blame them for their son's actions. They realized, they may have used this phrase at home, not even thinking that anyone would take them literally, and so they learned a lesson as well.

The next year, he was faced with a bully again. One that would wait until they were well off the school grounds, when the little boy was walking home from school. On one particular evening, the bully jumped him and he ended up with broken glasses. The mom called the school but because of the previous run-ins with the other school district, she was sure there was nothing that would be done. She was wrong. The principal took immediate action. The little boy was afraid it would make matters worse. The school made sure it didn't.

The little boy continued to thrive, and be a loving, caring human. The mom thought often about the times she was truly afraid he would kill himself and was realizing that was no longer a thought. She saw him feel safe, secure, and protected. He was happy.

High School is always a scary time for kids, and this was a little intimidating to the boy too. Fortunately, because of his relationships from AWANA, he knew a few upperclassman. The whole family went on a field trip with the High School Chorus before school even started. One of those upperclassmen took him under his wing that night, and the mom and dad knew then everything was going to be okay.

He still had one boy that bullied him, and one day as he was being picked on outside of the high school, the upperclassman mentioned earlier and another one came out the door. They saw what was going on and came to the boy's defense. That was the last time he was bullied.

(Ironically, years later that same boy that was bullying him had a problem and ended up finding the boy because he knew he could talk things out to him. The bully was thinking he might need a place to stay and the boy told him that his house was always open).

This boy grew into the young man that many of you know and love; my son, Robert.

I am that mom. I am the one that was afraid of what he might do to himself. He had a good support system of adults, so I was really never afraid of what he might do to others but am thankful for Travis Wyatt, for taking things seriously when Robert said something he shouldn't have. It was not ignored.
That is a big deal. It was also not ignored when Robert was being bullied, That is a big deal.

I want so badly to bury my head in the sand with all the school shootings, but there is a pang of "what if's" that run through my head. If we would have stayed where we were, where it truly felt almost everyone at the place he spent basically 40 hours a week, was against him, would us loving him have been enough? I say yes because we didn't stick around to know, truth is, I don't know.  I do know Robert is a different young man because we moved.

Do I cry every time I think about what could have been? Yes, Do I thank the Lord for letting us come home to Newton?  DAILY.

I don't know if you can blame one arena on all school shootings whether it is gun control, mental health, parenting, school officials, or other kids.

I do know I wish every community on earth was like Newton. And I hope and pray every child in our own school district has the same experience, I look at the amazing support of this community with the kids and know that when Robert was in school, his friends were not based on the "haves and have-nots" but on common interests, and personalities. I pray it is still like that.

I am by no means saying it can't happen here, we all know that isn't true, but I am saying we live in a community with proactive people. That makes a huge difference.

I already mentioned Travis, but Lori Kocher was the teacher that Robert made the statement about. Lori actually called me about this too, I so appreciated it, and it was the right thing to do. Lori and I had known each other since high school, but I wonder after reading some of the posts if she was afraid of how I would react. I hope not, but I bet the answer is yes.

Garrett Birch and Tanner Parr were the two little boys that I feel like helped save Robert's life. They probably heard more of what was really going on in his days at school than I did. They were just being themselves, but I thanked God for them in Robert's life everyday.

Josh Welling and Greg Sainer were the two that stopped the bullying in high school. Same as above, I am so thankful to God for these boys, who are all now awesome young men.

There were so many more, Robert had such a wonderful support system of both teachers and friends. He will tell you high school was amazing.

Too many of you to name, but you know who you are.

Thank you for being a friend. Thank you for helping make Robert who he is today.

Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it

It takes a village, it truly does. We have a great one.

Signed,

that mom

The Bucket List

Two weeks ago today, I was off on an adventure with three of my best friends. We call ourselves the LIHEAP sisters ( thanks to Christine Westerlund for naming us). I say all the time, that I truly do feel things happen for certain reasons. Kathy and I were driving to Geneva, to meet the other two. It was time for a break, so we were in search of someplace to stop. Our choices were McDonalds or the truckstop. I have been doing a morning green juice since the day after Christmas and this day, I had ran out of time. I asked if we could stop at the truck stop because there was more of a chance of finding at least a bottled green juice. You never know what you will find at a truck stop.

We walked in the door and there was a spinner of books, Christian books. We both stopped immediately. One particular book caught my eye (though I ended up buying several). But this book, What if God Wrote Your Bucket List was seriously screaming, "you NEED me!".

The full title has "52 things you don't want to miss" added. So clearly, you could read one chapter a week for the next year. Yeah, I don't do things like that well. I am on #13. Everyday I have read, I thought, "I could do a blog post about this!". I am loving this book and it is very much speaking to me daily.

Some of the chapters are "Set Goals-but Not in Concrete, Drive Through the Storm, Be Last in Line, and Go to Funerals. Those are just a few of the first 13. As I said, all thought provoking and good. The book is available at Amazon, if you are interested.

The Be Last in Line chapter really hit home to me in a different way than normal. I know I have done blogposts here about putting others first but still taking care of yourself, and I still firmly believe that, but it dawned on me as I read this chapter that the more I put others first, the less I feel the NEED to be first. And then I felt really silly for never feeling that before.

It is a little like the fact that you have all these questions you want to ask God when you get to Heaven, and then realize, once you are there, you probably aren't even going to care to know the answers.

The book states, "To be great in the eyes of the world pretty much involves being first. First to reach the mountaintop. First at the box office. First in rushing yards or home runs. First in line at the bank. First place in whatever race you're running. 
But the true greatness comes when you let others go ahead of you. Yes, we should absolutely strive for excellence. God wants us to use our gifts and give our best efforts in all we do. But when glory comes, give it away."

Matthew 19:30 says,  "But many that are first shall be last; and the last shall be first." and what I am getting at, is the longer you practice putting others in front of you, the more you WANT others in front of you. The desire to do my best will always be there, and I count it a failure anytime I can't say I did my best, but the desire to have to be first is slipping away. There are so many people in my life that I can't wait to see them fulfill their dreams, and the thing is, I get to help them, support them, and be a part of it, and that is making my life incredible. I feel like I have slipped out of a shell because anyone who has known me forever, knows I have even said, "2nd place is just first loser", but getting to be behind your friends and family as you watch them cross a finish line they have wanted forever; I have realized this week, it is the best seat in the house. I still have finish lines to cross myself, and goals, and dreams but taking them a little slower, knowing when I need to be concentrating on other's needs above my own, that may make me physically last to cross that line, but I truly get God saying the last shall be first. There are days I surely win the most blessings in one day award. 

And, obviously, if it weren't for having friends with dreams that I get to support, I wouldn't get to feel this way, so I am leaving you with Beautiful, by Mercy Me. 

And a special thank you to those friends and family members who put me ahead of themselves, so they get to watch my successes, support me, and be a part. I love you, I hope you know that. You are truly beautiful to me.







 

One Day at a Time

Once again, I really had every intention of not doing a blog this morning, I have a long overdue date with the LIHEAP sisters and am leaving my house at 5:15, yet here I sit.

For me, this has been an eventful week. I can say I have gotten a lot done, but there is still much to do. One of my best friends, Dani, called me Tuesday morning, I love it when she calls. She lives 11 miles from work but it takes her almost (and sometimes over) an hour to get there, yes, Chicago. Once in a while, she calls me while she is on that trek, and it just makes my whole day better. I had to laugh when I told her I may have bit off more than I could chew for right now, and she laughs in mocking disbelieve, "You??? You have NEVER done that before!!!", So those who have only known me close to 20 years, this isn't a new thing. Dani is one of those that knows things may not have always been on the timeline I intended, but that I always accomplish what I set out to do.

Wednesday evening, I got to spend the evening with another one of my best friends, Tammy. Tammy's talks always heal wounds for me, and I come away no less refresh than if I had spent a day at a spa. She came so close to not coming, on Tuesday, I asked if we were still on, she had been sick and said she might have to cancel. A half hour later, she texted back and said she really wanted to go. God told her she needed to go. She may tell you it was for her, I may tell you it was for me. I thank God for that present.

Something really cool happened Monday too, I got to explain, over the phone, to a certain internet provider's tech, not only how to bridge a modem, but how to reset the password inside our Sonicwall). This was huge, it saved me a trip to that office, but it also was something I would not have been able to know at all 6 months ago. And yet again, God put another very good friend in my life who really understood how great this was to me; Mike, who, yes, is my IT guy, but has always taught me (or tries to teach me anyway, lol) everything that is going on about my system. I love that he does this, as normally, IT guys don't want to mess with people who don't already know. Mike has led me to believe I am smart enough that sometimes IT guys wouldn't share with me because they knew I could learn it and that would lose them a service call. The first time he said it, I really thought he was just being a good salesman; but there are some days, I even believe it. It is really neat to me that God put someone in my life that I can say, "You won't believe what I just done!" and not get a blank stare, as the person looking at me tries to look happy but has no idea what I am talking about. I bugged Mike long enough to tell him this just happened, and to hear him laugh and say he knew I could do it. I needed that.

I am also working with him and several others on a forum of tech leaders, which I never used to (and really still don't) consider myself. We all had lunch a couple of weeks ago, and honestly, I was scared TO DEATH to go to this, as I thought I would feel like a kindergartner hanging around with a bunch of high schoolers, but I didn't. God putting yet more support in my way. (but see a couple more paragraph's below).

So, it has been a good week for me. At the same time, there have been lots of craziness, and things that are downers, but I get a constant reminder that we need to take things one day at a time--literally.One of my friends reminds me this almost everyday, either in a text, an email, on the phone, or in person. I wonder if they realize when they are doing this, they are speaking to me for God.

I have always been one of those people who wants to have the whole year planned, let alone the day or the week. Unless you live on a deserted island, this doesn't always work. Your plans are not always someone else's plans, and most importantly, they are not always God's.

I have friends who are really going through much bigger trials than I am, and I don't know how they function, There are times in life, I know exactly how to help a friend, and then times that I feel so very helpless, and I pray, and I know prayer changes things, and I know prayer really is enough because my God is that big, but at the same time, I feel so helpless. So I pray some more.

I want to tell you about a God wink I had the day of the tech leader's forum. I was on my way to the forum, and sitting at a stop sign, there was a long line of traffic coming and something flashed up on my phone. I picked it up and it was a facebook notification. I picked it up and opened facebook. The very first thing on my screen was a post from Vicki Cook. It was simply the verse Isaiah 41:10: Fear thou not, for I am with thee, be not dismayed, for I am thy God, I will strengthen thee, yea, I will help thee, yea, I will uphold thee on the right hand of my righteousness. My absolute favorite verse in the Bible. I have recited it over and over again when I am afraid. I was very nervous, and God brought me a gift. Vicki is just now finding out this happened. Sometimes we do things that help other people and never know, there is a chance Vicki doesn't even know why she was particularly let to put that there. I do.

So, all we really have is our one day at a time. I so often think of the poem that dash, where you look back at your life as related to your birth date and death date,  But I think we need to remember our life is really a whole series of dashes, from the time we get up until the time we go to bed, we have that chance, that one day at a time.

I shared four things that friends did for me this week, just by being themselves, by living our lives. I hope and pray some of them, as well as others, have received equal blessings from me being in their lives.

I have had James 4:13-14 running though my mind this morning:

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”;  whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. 

We DO need to take things one day at a time, pray fervently for those things we want to see changed, and be there for the people God has put in our lives. 

And I know I have used this song before, but it is one of my favorites, and  today, running through my head.

Sidewall Prophets' Live Like That

Happy Saturday! On my way to spend the day with my LIHEAP sisters! More blessings in my life!

What do You Want?

Good morning everyone!

Happy Saturday!

My full intentions this morning was to post a little poem I learned about last week at our conference.

God said, no. So, I am what I feel like is pressed for time, but have to expound on this a little.

So, I am sitting in Houston last week, at the close of one of the best conferences I have been to in a long time, sitting with 4 of the best people I know, and thinking to myself, "Life is Good".

The last speaker of the conference was very motivational, and he shared this with us.

It was spring, but it was summer I wanted,
the warm days, and the great outdoors.
It was summer, but it was fall I wanted,
the colorful leaves, and the cool, dry air.
It was autumn, but it was winter I wanted,
the beautiful snow, and the joy of the holiday season.
I was a child, but it was adulthood I wanted,
the freedom, and the respect.
I was twenty, but it was thirty I wanted,
to be mature, and sophisticated.
I was middle-aged, but it was thirty I wanted,
the youth, and the free spirit.
I was retired, but it was middle-age that I wanted,
the presence of mind, without limitations.
My life was over,
but I never got what I wanted.

I found this very interesting and realized I have been in these times before, and realized right now, I really am not. I started to ask myself what changed. I have realized through a course of events in the last few months, I am what has changed. And I like it. And I believe it is because I have started listening to God's voice louder than other people's. I have things going on in my life right now that I don't understand and for a long time, I have tried to find the answer to the question, "why". I told this to one of my friends one day, and she said, "why does it matter?" And it was a good point.

The week before we left for Houston, I went to buy groceries, I walked out of the house I had wanted since I was in high school,  got into the car I had wanted for several years and took off down the road. I was thinking about the upcoming trip, and wondering what we would learn. I am so excited about the state of our agency right now, and am very honored to be a part of our growth. I love the fact that we make differences not only in individual's lives but the whole community. I have a great family, great friends, and most of all, a Mighty God. It dawned on me that day, I'm living that life I always wanted. I told this to the same friend I mentioned above, and she told me just don't get comfortable, and she is right. I don't ever want to take any of it for granted, it can change in a heartbeat. And if it does, I know God has a plan, but most of all, I know He's got me. And I am going to thank Him daily for what He is giving me right now.

I only have one verse to go along with this.

James 1:17

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

So, I am a strong believer that if you are not where you want to be, you and God need to start talking. I am not a "health and wealth" Christian, don't get me wrong. Bad things happen to good people, it's life, it is the result of a few thousand years of sin being in our world, but He's got this, and if you want to stop chasing what you want, and start living what you want, my advice is to start with Him.

Hope you all have a great week!

I am leaving you with Good, Good Father by Chris Tomlin. This song has been in my head as I have written this whole post. It is very fitting, and I am very thankful.

Back to the Voices

Once again, getting a bit of a late start to the blog, but so worth it. The cold moved my kid home for the week, so this morning started with having coffee and visiting with him. I know he is so ready to go back "home", but I am so thankful that I got a week of him being "home" with me.


This has been one crazy, emotional week. It is one of those that felt like it took forever to get through and at the same time, there was not enough time in the day to get everything done. A lot of our management team is leaving for a conference in Houston on Monday morning, so I basically wanted to have all of this week's work done, plus next week's before I leave. Yes, I am going to work today. It would be there when I get back, but I am one that feels better knowing it is done. And, of course, there is always my mom's thing of "if the plane goes down", at least I have given the next person a little head start instead of all the things left undone.




Some major things happened this week that really brought out those voices in my head that was the original reason I started the blog. First off, last month, I had a tiny little incident with the Humira that I take for my UC. I have taken these injections for almost 2 years and for the first time, I ended up with a bruise bigger than a softball. I also started showing symptoms of a flare within two days after that shot. It wasn't major, but it did send me to the prednisone. I was running out of prednisone so I had to call my doc. I told him what happened and he sent me for some blood test that had to be sent to Mayo's. Two weeks later, they called and told me to go have the blood tests again. Tuesday, they called and took me from 2 injections a month to 4. This was because the Humira isn't working as well as it used to; which sent me into the "I'm back to being one step closer to a colectomy". That rates right up there with my fear of knives as one of the things that scares me most.




When I started working at the Greenup office, I was one of the younger ones there. I had all of these, "moms" aka mentors, who had worked community action for years and years. most of them had 20+ years in before I even started work. Over the past few years, they have started retiring. The last one of my work mom's (who isn't older than me enough to be my mom, but my sister), announced her retirement this week. As I look at the core of our department heads, I am now going to be "one of the older ones". That feels really weird, and really exposed.




So, between these events, and some other little things that happened this week, by Thursday night, the voices in my head were giving me the old, "you are not good enough", "nobody cares", "nobody has time to worry about your problems" Classic. And I know way too many of you know exactly what I am talking about. I truly believe that the Humira itself does something to my mental state, especially the first 36 hours after I take it. That was bad enough twice a month, now it is going to be every week. I texted a friend who takes Humira too, she also takes Cymbalta. I started researching, and found that is a common theme. 




I also started a new Bible Study this week about Women of the Bible. And got hit with a stunning thought. What do you think was going through Eve's mind as God was looking for Adam and her in the garden of Eden?






Genesis 2:22-3:24New King James Version (NKJV)
²² Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
²³ And Adam said:

“This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”

²⁴ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

²⁵ And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

3 Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?”

² And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; ³ but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.’”
⁴ Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. ⁵ For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
⁶ So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. ⁷ Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.
⁸ And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
⁹ Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?”
¹⁰ So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.”
¹¹ And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?”
¹² Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”
¹³ And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”
The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
¹⁴ So the Lord God said to the serpent:

“Because you have done this,
You are cursed more than all cattle,
And more than every beast of the field;
On your belly you shall go,
And you shall eat dust
All the days of your life.
¹⁵ And I will put enmity
Between you and the woman,
And between your seed and her Seed;
He shall bruise your head,
And you shall bruise His heel.”

¹⁶ To the woman He said:

“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”

¹⁷ Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’:

“Cursed is the ground for your sake;
In toil you shall eat of it
All the days of your life.
¹⁸ Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you,
And you shall eat the herb of the field.
¹⁹ In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread
Till you return to the ground,
For out of it you were taken;
For dust you are,
And to dust you shall return.”

²⁰ And Adam called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.

²¹ Also for Adam and his wife the Lord God made tunics of skin, and clothed them.
²² Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, to know good and evil. And now, lest he put out his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”— ²³ therefore the Lord God sent him out of the garden of Eden to till the ground from which he was taken. ²⁴ So He drove out the man; and He placed cherubim at the east of the garden of Eden, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to guard the way to the tree of life.






Voices in the head---since the beginning of man-- or woman, at least. I know guys get them too, I have been made very aware of that, more so from my son than anyone, but still. I think Eve was feeling very guilty, and afraid, and worried. I looked at this passage again this morning. It took 7 verses in the Bible to get from Eve's creation to her feeling this way. I had also never thought about what it did to her when Cain killed Abel. Truly, nobody had ever heard of such a thing as murder, and here it was, in her own family, and her own sons. Wow.


So, now that we have laid all of this out, just a reminder. God sent Christ to take care of all sin. From Eve's to ours. And He sent a comforter. That's the voice we need to turn the volume up, because I will tell you, it is there. There are days I want to listen to those voices of self-doubt, self-worth, and just plain out self-loathing, but I also know, and hear the voices saying, "that's not true", "you know better", and "you aren't thinking straight". When I chose to listen to those, things get better.


John 14:6 says, "And I will pray the Father, and He shall give you another Comforter, that He may abide with you for ever;"


THAT is the voice to listen to. Because God said, You ARE worth it, you are worth the world to me. You are worth dying for. It doesn't matter what is going on in your life, I love you.




I am leaving you this week with God Is, by Holly Starr.




Earlier, I was talking about the voices from Thursday night that nobody cared or had time for my problems. I got a phone call last night from a friend who had very clearly done some research for me, looking for things I could do to help my UC.  My thoughts last week about those people God puts in your life.....yep, that is priceless.






May you have a week of paying more attention to the Comforter, that God sent to us, than the voices of doubt that the devil tries to throw at us.